Friday, March 24, 2006

5 little niceties just for you

You probably read or heard of all the little niceties that cheney requests before he arrives at a hotel room. Things like all the TV’s must be tuned to Fox News and silly crap like that. Here’s the link if you missed it.

So let’s pretend we are the vice president of the United States. Our secretary sends out to the finest hotel a list of five things we must have when we arrive.

Here’s my own list
1. I would like gazillion thread count sheets on the bed and the bed must be firm, but not like a stone
2. I want a complete new wardrobe waiting for me appropriate to my schedule during my visit.
3. I want to be able to keep my dog with me in my room at all times
4. I want an endless supply of Sapphire Gin and all the ingredients for martinis (you saw that one coming, right?)
5. I want blooming gardenias in every room, all the time

Okay, now it’s your turn. What must you have awaiting you when you arrive?


Anonymous joe S. the "new" guy said...

1.) Bottles of Chippewa Springs, (a local Wisconsin spring), spring water so I don't have to take my meds with chemically treated city crap.

2.) WiFi

3.) Good water pressure in the shower that's not too far from the hot water heater, (which will have a large capacity and quick recovery time).

4.) Get "Link" TV station so I can watch Demcracy Now.


5.) Be on the first floor so I don't have to walk up the stairs

I'll bring my own martini fixins'

March 24, 2006 4:21 AM  
Blogger Left of Center said...

Hmm Ideal right.. no reality creeping in.
1. I want a White Russian and a bag of kind bud waiting in my room.
2. I want the tv tuned to Comedy Central so I can get my news from John Stewart.
3. I want a plate of freshly made Sashimi and Sushi.
4. A laptop computer conected to broadband.
5. A black silk robe.

March 24, 2006 5:06 AM  
Anonymous rebellious renee said...

Hmmmmm...this is a hard one...sooooo many choices. OK, let's play..

1. I want a good bottle of Pinot Noir and a corkscrew.
2.a bouquet of fresh flowers (any flowers will do)
3.I want a dvd player connected to the tv and a collection of Family Guy and Monty Python dvds
4.I want a room with a view
5.I want bits of white chocolate laid on my pillow.

March 24, 2006 5:26 AM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

"black silk robe" Woo Woo!

March 24, 2006 6:39 AM  
Blogger Donviti said...

1) 1lb of steamed shrimp
2) Dozen Steamed Md Blue Crabs (Jumbo)
3) 2 bottles of great Italian Red
4) Jacuzzi tub filled and ready
5) Hot babe to massage my......

March 24, 2006 7:44 AM  
Blogger Donviti said...

left of Center,

White Russian Female? or Male?

March 24, 2006 7:45 AM  
Blogger Crackpot Press said...

A) Continual Looping of Pro Beach Volleyball
B) 56" Plasma with PS2 and 3 (if available).. Can't be all work right?
C) Orgasmatron (that's not cheating right?)
D) Maker's Mart Manhattan Machine (vodka and gin give me assholitis)
E) An Air Horn so I can call room service subtely when I think of other stuff. It's also great when folks make suggestions in MY meetings.

I would never go to hotel that didn't already have a jacuzzi; so white trash.

March 24, 2006 8:08 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

A TV that doesn't carry Fox :)

March 24, 2006 8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

5) Hot babe to massage my......

Ah, I see the men are thinking alike, my first request was an appealing manservant.....

I would also want the flowers, but I want them to have a perfume that makes the room smell nice (lilies, or some nice stinky roses, or hyacinths, or lilacs, or gardenias, maybe even jasmine).

An excellent red (except Cabernet Sauvignon) for sipping with a good cheese and a good wafer of some kind will do nicely, too.

- oddjob

March 24, 2006 9:07 AM  
Anonymous Kathy C Miller said...

1) room with ocean view, hot tub & big towels
2) a good massuse & reflexoglist
3) a very good gin & tonic bar with fixings
4) food
5) a current newspaper with headlines: Bush Impeached; war crime charges pending
A girl can wish, can't she??

March 24, 2006 9:14 AM  
Blogger Left of Center said...

Black silk robe.. relaxation is an art my dear.

March 24, 2006 9:54 AM  
Blogger windspike said...

How about one smoking gun or sexed up intern to put these guys our of our misery?

March 24, 2006 10:47 AM  
Blogger Pogo said...


This is more fum than all that political stuff at Craig's place.

Give me donviti's list with the things on Kathy C's that aren't already covered and I'll be happy (although I prefer Scotch to the gin, but with the little onions I can make do). Oh, and could I have an island in that ocean view?

March 24, 2006 10:50 AM  
Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

1. A warm bubble bath with rose petals floating on top.

2. Two bottles of champagne... one for me and my hubby.

3. Adjoining suite with complimentary nanny and video games for the kids.

4. Warmed massage oil and a masseur with magical hands.

5. The Daily Show on every channel.

6. Fifty squooshy pillows.

7. A viking costume for my hubby and a "roundheel" tavern wench costume for me... doesn't go with the bubbly, but it's my wish list, eh?

Have a great weekend.

March 24, 2006 11:43 AM  
Blogger Kathleen Callon said...

Just read LoC and need to add "Maui Wowie", "Alaskan Bumblefuck", or maybe some "Taos Turquoise"... still sticky, but not dry...

March 24, 2006 11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


New Yorker magazine

white pizza with artichokes and anchovies

Blue Moon beer

dvd player with surround sound

March 24, 2006 12:40 PM  
Blogger pissed off patricia said...

anon, I have no idea who you are but we like the same kind of pizza. No matter what kind of pizza it is though, I have to have the anchovies on it :)

March 24, 2006 12:57 PM  
Blogger Jeremy said...

Don't forget the double-sided Dildo Cheney needs for he an Lieberman.

March 24, 2006 1:08 PM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

- Flies,
- A pad that's firm, but not too firm
- An endless supply of French swamp-water to spit at anyone I fee like

March 24, 2006 1:12 PM  
Blogger PoliShifter said...

1) Ice Cold Grey Goose, Club Soda, Limes, and ice.

2) A Poker Table, Craps Table, and Black Jack table

3) Girls in Lingerie to play against at the Poker, Craps, and Black Jack tables.

4) Girls in lingerie as cocktail waitresses. And to be fair to the ladies, some studs walking around in scantily clad uniforms.

5) A gaggle of close friends and fellow bloggers for a raucus good time.

6) I forgot food....Prime Rib, Filet Mignon, Caesar Salad, baked potato with all the fixings, lobster tail, king crab legs, and cheese cake for desert with a bottle of Dom Perignon.

March 24, 2006 1:38 PM  
Blogger Nash said...

Room temperature: 64 degrees
12-cup Mr. Coffee
1 lb French roast
TV: History Channel
Reading Material: "NY Times"
Other Requirements:
*A rubber mat in the tub so I don't fall on my rear. Is that TOO MUCH TO ASK?
* a new yellow legal pad and six new well-sharpened #1 pencils. That's #1, you idiots, not #2.
* A paperback murder mystery. I don't care who the author is but it should be set on a college campus and someone is killing the faculty, one by one.

March 24, 2006 5:31 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

Well, if FOX was on I'd know I'd arrived in Hell.

March 24, 2006 5:39 PM  
Blogger JBlue said...

1. I want Viggo Mortensen dressed as Aragorn.
2. I want a 12 pack of Sam Adams Light and some Xanax.
3. I want pizza with pineapple, green olives, and onions.
4. I want some of those curiously strong breath mints.
5. And, of course, the Daily Show must be on at all times. I'll watch some Colbert Report, too.

March 24, 2006 6:17 PM  
Blogger Crackpot Press said...

This recurring theme of Pizza is really turning me on.

Nothing like the white pizza...

March 24, 2006 6:58 PM  
Blogger isabelita said...

I wouldn't want that fucking job. I wouldn't want to stay in some luxury bullshit place.
I'd rather be out camping under a cloudless sky, star-filled at night, bluebird-blue in the day, where the quail covies run free and unmolested.
Nobody around but hikers and climbers, and I don't mean the opportunist kind.
Cold beer around the campfire would be acceptable...

March 24, 2006 7:41 PM  
Blogger glenda said...

Good tequila, Patron Silver, Orange Cointreau, lime juice, Grand Marnier, ice chips and salt for a Margarita
Guacamole, queso, chips and homemade salsa
Apple laptop with wireless connection and awesome external speakers
Really hot water in the shower
Bottled spring water to drink
5000 thread count cotton sheets
fresh flowers, gardenias are good, or roses
Daily show and Colbert Report on, FOX deleted
My digital camera
silk PJs
a good book

March 24, 2006 8:29 PM  
Blogger jurassicpork said...

1) All the TVs tuned to FOX news. Oh, and a big fucking paintball gun.

2) Salma Hayek wearing nothing but a ponytail holder and a smile.

3) Uh... Well, that's all I'd need.

March 24, 2006 9:08 PM  
Blogger The Fat Lady Sings said...

Ooooh - can I play? What would I want? Well....

1. A quarter ounce of some good bud would be nice. I haven't had any in a while - so I could definitely get with the program.

2. Several bottles of Monterey Vineyards Fire wine. An impossible request, as there are no longer any bottles in existence. This wine was VERY limited in distribution and actually had a shelf life (an after effect of the fire). Quite unusual for a red wine, but the reason was what made it exquisite.

3. Bring on that masseuse, armed to the teeth with scented oils. Make sure he’s trained in reflexology, aroma therapy and is blind as a bat!

4. Johnny Depp, Colin Firth and Hugh Jackmann all stark naked and tied to the bed with silk scarves (my fantasy – I can do exactly as I damn well please!)

5. And last but not least – some really good food to play with; chocolate (a warm dipping sauce would be great), fruit on ice (all bite-sized – only NO STRAWBERRIES!) and some crème freshe with pate and caviar (I don’t think I’ll be needing the crackers).

Ah well. A girl can dream, can’t she?

March 24, 2006 10:44 PM  
Blogger a rose is a rose said...

to start:

unlimited hot black (NON starbucks) unsweetened coffee STRONG

unlimited very sweet and very cold iced tea

flannel sheets (any weather, they MUST be flannel)

stoli o (or elite), midori, club soda


on demand cable

vcr and a selection of foreign movies with a home theater type set up

cd player

john paul mitchell shampoo and conditioner

a GIANT walk in shower with a dryer lamp section

big giant fluffy non white towels

a bidet

climate controls

bouquets of iris all around, all colors


24 hour room service with plenty of vegan choices

comfortable overstuffed chair and a good lamp to read by

windows that open

to be left alone

a houseboy named raul (when i call for him that is)

March 25, 2006 4:45 AM  
Blogger Mimus Pauly said...

Let's see. I'll have:

1) Directions to the nearest mountain resort where I can flirt with disappearing, never to be heard from again;

2) Empty rooms on either side of me (I love my peace and quiet);

3) No room servie (ditto);

4) No television whatsoever -- if I see a TV in my room, I will break a leg off of a piece of furniture and smash the damned thing to smithereens; and

5) A case of Rolling Rock, since I don't really want to disappear all that badly.

March 25, 2006 9:28 AM  
Blogger Rory Shock said...

I just like a toilet that flushes, running water, and a comfy bed. As long as they don't send up one of Dick Cheney's hookers, I'm pretty happy. Oh, and an ice machine down the way, that's a good thing.

March 25, 2006 4:02 PM  
Blogger Auntie Roo said...

Damn - You all sure have some great ideas.

1. Silk sheets on a medium firm bed, covered in rose petals.

2. The love of my life - and no I ain't tellin' who that is. ;)

3. Hash brownies & lots of fresh fruit in nibble size pieces. A large bowl of fresh whipped cream. Grand Marnier.

4. French doors that open to a veranda overlooking the ocean.

5. Excellent sound system.

March 26, 2006 10:05 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Green said...

my list would be

1. Cable TV--loaded

2. Room service that includes Starbucks

3. Clos du Bois Chardonnay

4. endless supply of good Lindt chocolate

5. books of my choice, which will vary from day to day, but Slaughterhouse Five, Pride & Prejudice, and anything by Tolstoy are good choices. No Melville or you're fired.

6. The love of my life--if I ever find him

7. My dog

March 29, 2006 10:04 PM  
Anonymous Asta said...

OMG, I've died and met the best people you'd ever could know in virtual heaven. And everyone here has excellent taste!

I am a simple person:

1. A bottle of Samuel Adams Triple Boch, circa 1996, room temp, with NY Style cheese cake.

2. George Clooney -- I just want to look at him, that's all. Really!

3. Make that 2 Samuel Adams.

4. A nice sun room for my cockatoo and African Grey.

5. Shoes that don't hurt my feet.

(That was fun. Thanks, POP.)

April 03, 2006 2:58 PM  
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