Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Rules of garbage cans?

One of our neighborhood garbage pickup days is early Saturday morning. We always sit the garbage can out by the road late Friday night so that we do not need to rise and shine too early Saturday morning. Later in the day on Saturday we bring the empty can back into the garage and that’s that.

Here’s a phone conversation I had with my crazy old neighbor across the street this past Saturday afternoon.

(Telephone rings)
Me: Hello
Crazy Old Neighbor: Let me speak to Mr. Pop (Mr. Pop was standing beside me motioning he didn’t want to talk to crazy old neighbor)
Me: I’m sorry, Mr. Pop is busy now. Can I give him a message?
Crazy Old Neighbor: Does he know where my garbage can is?
Me: No. Have you looked up and down the street, maybe it got turned over and rolled away.
Crazy Old Neighbor: I have looked everywhere, it’s gone. Someone told me not to put my garbage can in a big black plastic bag and seal it up because it would be thrown into the garbage truck.
Me: Is that what you did? Did you place your garbage can inside a big black plastic bag and seal it up? (I wasn’t even going to ask why he would do that)
Crazy Old Neighbor: Yes! (Getting testy now) I must speak to Mr. Pop!
Me: Why?
Crazy Old Neighbor: I want to know if he knows the rules of garbage cans.
Me: (trying my best not to laugh) I can tell you that he does not know the rules of garbage cans.
Crazy Old Neighbor: You have been of no help! (He slams the phone down)

Damn! People can get mad fast if you can’t tell them what they want to know. If anyone happens to know the “rules of garbage cans”, please share them with me.


Blogger Distributorcap said...

i think the rules of garbage cans got shredded like our constitution...

June 24, 2008 2:38 AM  
Blogger FranIAm said...

What DCap said.

And how like you PoP, to not be of help at all!!!

I am laughing too hard for this early hour!

June 24, 2008 3:02 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Aren't crazy old neighbors fun. The first rule of garbage cans is that if you put the garbage can in a big plastic bag it all goes in the truck. The second rule is that if you have a garbage can that is cracked or otherwise trash itself you can never get rid of it even if you write trash in big letters on the side. I have a can I have been trying to get of for four years and now I know how to get rid of it. Put in a big plastic bag and seal it up.

June 24, 2008 4:28 AM  
Blogger niCk (Mem Beth) said...

Tell your crazy neighbor that there's a way to find out where his garbage can went.

Stand on the curb on Saturday morning, inside a garbage bag. I'm sure they will take her to it.

Also, please tell him NOT to do that.

Your problem nieghbor and his trash can problem both solved with one simple solution.

June 24, 2008 5:20 AM  
Blogger Sherry said...

i'm chuckling. sounds like my street.

June 24, 2008 5:27 AM  
Blogger betmo said...

this is why i moved :) my old neighborhood was full of crazy neighbors and one of them had my phone number ;)

June 24, 2008 5:39 AM  
Blogger Targa said...

The first rule of Garbage Cans, is you do not talk about Garbage Cans.

Say, how did crazy old neighbor get your phone number???

You'll probably have to monitor him on garbage days to ensure his garbage can is properly processed for pickup.

WWGCS? what would George Carlin say?

June 24, 2008 5:59 AM  
Anonymous Joe the Troll said...

"One of our neighborhood garbage pickup days"

ONE OF???? I've never lived anywhere with more than one garbage day a week. I always miss it. Luckily, my neighbor empties more beer bottles than will fit in his bin in a week, so he fills mine also and then feels obligated to take care of the bin.

That's another thing. I haven't seen a CAN in ages. I've been using those big ugly roller bins for 15 years now. It's like you're in another dimension.

June 24, 2008 7:05 AM  
Blogger Sewmouse said...

Well, in my condo association the rules of garbage are:

Thou shalt use thy blue wheelie bin for the garbage, and thy blue tote for recyclables. Thou shalt purchase a special bag and sticker for garden refuse.

Thou shalt not put thy trash to the curb prior to 5 pm. on the day prior to pickup.

Thou shalt not leave thy wheelie bin, nor thy recyclables tote at the curb any later than 10 pm. on the date of pickup. Unless there is a holiday in the week, in such case there shall be pickup not upon the allotted day, but upon the day after, and in consideration of the intense confusion caused by this - thou mayest leave thy wheelie bin, and thy recycleables tote, and yea, even thy garden waste for another day.


June 24, 2008 8:30 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

Oh hell, is that goddamn funny.

The first rule of garbage cans is don't talk about garbage cans.

June 24, 2008 8:36 AM  
Blogger Forty Paws said...

OMGawd. What a poor foolish neighbor you have across the street. In our neighborhood, we have the big honking huge wheeled thingee bobs for trash and for recyclables. No way would that fit in a plastic bag.

Luf, Us

June 24, 2008 9:44 AM  
Blogger Dr. Know said...

Too funny. But before you all laugh too hard, remember you may well end up in this condition in 20 or 30 years. But I guess you won;t care who laughs at you at that point.

I have a garbage can rule proposal, however. Would all of you subdivision idiots get your shit together and negotiate a deal with ONE trash collection service so that 6 different services don't show up beeping and grunting each day of the week to pick up one house's trash at 5:30AM. The wasted fuel alone makes this an utterly moronic way to do things.

Thank You.

June 24, 2008 10:50 AM  
Blogger Dean Wormer said...

Same as the rules for Thunderdome. Two garbage cans enter, one garbage can leaves.

June 24, 2008 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

You handled that better then I would have. My first question would have been, "When you put your garbage can in a garbage bad and sealed it, what did you expect to happen?"

However, now that you have relayed this story I won't be able to sleep tonight until I figure out why he put the garbage can in a garbage bag.


Peace, love and good happiness stuff.


June 24, 2008 3:54 PM  
Blogger Swinebread said...

why does this crazy guy have your phone#?

June 24, 2008 4:00 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Holy hell. My mom has a twin. Run for your life.

June 24, 2008 6:13 PM  
Blogger mommanator said...

OMG thats funny.
I had a neighbor who would atke my garbage cans. No english spoken. Looks at ya blankly when asked if we could have the can back- His dau who was interpreter said-He needs it???
hubby said just let him keep it I said no it is ours. Guess hubby is a better man than me!

June 24, 2008 7:34 PM  
Blogger The Future Was Yesterday said...

I'm going to guess they run along the lines of "If you were worth a rats ass as a neighbor, you would cover my fuckups!!"

June 24, 2008 10:41 PM  
Blogger dguzman said...

Ditto what Matt said--WTF was this guy thinking would happen when he HID his garbage can in a garbage bag? My mind is reeling.

And you HAVE to change your phone number now, PoP. Next he'll be calling you about the rules of lawnmowers or garden hoses or something.

June 25, 2008 9:35 AM  
Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

June 26, 2008 8:33 AM  
Blogger Dr. Zaius said...

You live next to Ron Paul?

June 26, 2008 8:34 AM  
Blogger TaraDharma said...

I once had a crazy neighbor who would roll my bins back in if I didn't do it in a timely manner (like, within an hour). Sigh. I wish he were still my neighbor....

That must be one monster of a garbage bag to hold a garbage can. Can you get the brand name and size for me, please?

July 04, 2008 5:35 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home