Friday, September 28, 2007

Duck?


Yes, I got all my shots and my chip at the vet’s a couple of weeks ago. Let’s just leave it at that. Some things should just be left alone. Here’s one thing I will say. When they started trimming my claws, I put up with it for three paws but put my foot down when they started on the fourth paw. Enough was enough and they had to surrender to my anger at that point. Ha! I rule!

See if you can help me out with this. This week, once again I carefully produced a fine sized wet hairball in the bathroom floor. It was a beauty. Pop came in, in the dark and she was barefoot. She stepped on my lovely hairball. First she said, “Damn it Fred”. I think that was some sort of remark of admiration regarding my large, beautiful, wet hairball. Then as she began to clean up the floor and her foot she started talking about ducks. She kept saying, “Duck! Duck! Duck!” over and over. At least that’s what it sounded like she was saying. I thought maybe she was losing her mind or something. So I just went outside on the screened in patio. What the hell was she talking about? Duck?

Have a great weekend
Fred the Cat (the cat who loves you guys)

36 Comments:

Blogger ZBTzahBTzoo said...

Dear Fred the Cat,

"Duck" is what humans say when they fear incoming projectile hairballs. Clearly, your mistress is paranoid. Medicate her, ASAP.

Like you, I have a long, luxurious coat, perfect for hairball formation. My cowardly mistress gives me a combination of 1/2 IAMS Sensitive Stomach Formula and 1/2 IAMS Hairball Control Formula. She doesn't scream "duck" nearly as often as she used to.

Needless to say, this make things rather dull around here. So, when Mistress isn't paying attention, Brother Ivan and I like to push the bananas off the counter and watch Mongrel Zenzi eat the entire bunch. Then, we take cover. Nothing like canine projectiles from either end to get the mistess screaming again!

Yours for a more agitated human population,

Koko the Cat

September 28, 2007 4:28 AM  
Blogger FranIAm said...

Fred- take good care of PoP and Mr PoP, you know they love you. That old wet hairball on the floor thing is... well, you know.

My house is up for sale and while I have no buyers (YET!) I have plenty of lookers. I was up at Mr. He Is/We Is's house for a few days recently and when I returned I found a giant ass hairball in the shape of a turd on my white bedspread.

Mr BooBoo had spoken.

That could be why no one bought the house that weekend!

Have fun kids and I will be in touch when I return from Barcelona. I will do some posting before that plane takes off later!!

September 28, 2007 5:02 AM  
Blogger mommanator said...

OOO there isn't much nicer than a warm hairball in the middle of the night for a human to step in, I surprised she only said DUCK! She could have gone have off and just yelled expliatives LOL Kepp em coming, it will teach her to turn the lights on.
If put into perspective it could have been some poopy or warm urine for her walking pleasure. She needs to give ya some of that hairball stuff and you wouldn't have this problem- it is her fault anyway of course!
Have a great weekend and see what you can think up to do this week to keep POP entertained!

September 28, 2007 5:30 AM  
Blogger niCk (Mem Beth) said...

Fred,

That was a lot of hard work in making that hairball for your human servants. They should be be appreciative.

Duck? I have no idea!?!

September 28, 2007 5:32 AM  
Blogger Forty Paws said...

Hhhhhmmmm. Well, when we yak in the middle of the night, our humans usually wake up and think to themselves, "Duck. I'll get that in the morning." But since we don't hear the thinking aloud to themselves; we only hear the cessation of snoring, the rolling over, and resumption of snoring; then we assume that they are proud of whichever one of us yakked.

However, during the day when Dorf corners Obi or Reno, and scares the pee or poo out of either of them, then we hear some serious ducking, as well as JHChristing as well as a few other choice human words that we just assume mean that Dorf is going in timeout, again.

Luf, Us

Pee Ess. Good job dude. Oh, and we get our claws trimmed MONTHLY. You've got it easy.

September 28, 2007 7:07 AM  
Blogger SB Gypsy said...

;) We love you too, Fred - oh and Mr&Mrs POP too!

September 28, 2007 7:12 AM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

This week, once again I carefully produced a fine sized wet hairball in the bathroom floor.

It just goes to show: It's the little things that really matter. :-)

September 28, 2007 7:17 AM  
Blogger betmo said...

my big guy purrs when we clip his nails- yes me and mr. betmo clip the cats' nails. he purrs because he gets yum yums afterwards. the small one holds still better these days but she is a squirmer. you don't have to say a thing about hairballs. the big guy hacks them up on a regular basis because he licks constantly and for like 20 minutes at a time. guess he wants to look beautiful to yack up the hairballs. :) i say 'duck' quite a bit myself :)

September 28, 2007 7:30 AM  
Blogger Sparky Duck said...

Obviously PoP was daydreaming of me.

September 28, 2007 7:53 AM  
Anonymous scott said...

Duck is the the Republican universal coverage dental plan.

We are off to beautiful, relaxing Perdido Key, Florida for a week Fred. So go long on vodka stocks and keep the home fires burning.

September 28, 2007 7:58 AM  
Blogger dguzman said...

Oh dear, Mr. Fred. Well, be thankful PoP doesn't give you that hairball goop. It's gross.

Oh, and when she starts trimming your nails, find some sensitive area on her body to scratch in an all-out launch away from her. Belly is a good place for that. Our mom's got the scars to prove it.

Love,
Kisses, Clawsie, and Cookies

September 28, 2007 8:02 AM  
Blogger robin andrea said...

Well, Fred, if you ever came west to visit with us and our cat Bonsai, you'd hear us saying all day long, Duck this and Duck that, and the president is a ducking jerk.

September 28, 2007 8:34 AM  
Blogger annie said...

oh, fred. since we are using animal-influenced profanity today, let me just say right here:
"DUCK BUSH!!!" (That's in support of the editor @ Colorado University who found out that free speech isn't free.) if more humans were brave like you animals, they'd be fighting like mad for their disappearing rights.

in more benign news, we have a lovely new kitten. she is a little terror, so we are thinking about calling her "tara"-which is how preznit hairball pronounces the word, when he pretends he's from texas.

much love to you all, fred.

September 28, 2007 8:41 AM  
Blogger Mary Ellen said...

Fred-

Humans just don't understand what an honor it is to receive the coveted hairball from a cat. It's the next best thing to bringing them the mouse you've just killed. This is probably why the human race will never survive. They just don't respect the gifts they are given.

Regarding the "Duck, Duck, Duck"....you were supposed to respond, "Goose!"

September 28, 2007 8:42 AM  
Blogger Wren said...

are you sure it was "Duck" and not "Cluck" she was saying? I think the loose translation is "right now, I'd trade Fred for a bird"

Fortunately, we human have short memory spans and tend to believe that every hairball is an unfortunate, one-time accident.

September 28, 2007 9:52 AM  
Blogger Octavian said...

Dear Fred,

I hope you're not feeling too down. The Vet only wants to help!

September 28, 2007 10:01 AM  
Blogger isabelita said...

Better a fresh hairball than certain other feline extrusions...
maybe she was trying to say "muck."

September 28, 2007 10:39 AM  
Blogger Sherry said...

oh geez, i got ducks over at my place tho i doubt that's what she meant.

come take a look and see what i mean. o.k?

bob (and layla!)

September 28, 2007 2:08 PM  
Blogger an average patriot said...

Fred
I have to laugh! You hit the point where all you can say repetitively is Duck!

September 28, 2007 3:49 PM  
Blogger Fixer said...

They musta stuck the chip in yer ear, Fred. Heh ...

September 28, 2007 3:58 PM  
Blogger Distributorcap said...

fred...

george here
i left my dad a big hairball right on his new antique piece of (i say ugly) furniture.....since he made it hard for me to jump on it, i found a way to get there via the window sill and wanted to show him i could.

as for duck --- if you and turk to the prefix and en to the suffix you have my favorite food from Merrick -- Turkducken. A stupid human created name, but nonetheless better than the crap fancy feast dad used to serve me.

george
who is a smart ass today

September 28, 2007 7:44 PM  
Blogger The Future Was Yesterday said...

Don't sweat the duck stuff, Fred. They just fly over to admire our hairballs. I hear my Dad telling me they're here all the time.
Snowball

September 28, 2007 9:45 PM  
Anonymous abi said...

You showed admirable restraint, Fred, for not scratching the duck out of her foot after stepping on your perfect hairball.

September 29, 2007 6:56 AM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

My mistress doesn't complain too much about my hairballs when she sees them; she usually says "Oh thank god, it's only a hairball," after thinking it's something, um, worse.

I am actually an exemplary cat, if I say so myself. I always use my box for those other things, and only occasionally hack up a hairball when I absolutely have to. And I jump willingly up on a bed when my mistress shows me the nail clippers and purr the entire time she does my nails. Personally I enjoy these moments of quality time with my mistress as it means I am getting attention, as I deserve to, instead of that annoying, disgusting animal they call The Dog.
- Baxter the cat

September 29, 2007 10:36 AM  
Blogger TomCat said...

Fred, if that doesn't work, may I suggest spreading litter arr over the house?

September 29, 2007 12:23 PM  
Blogger Blueberry said...

There's nothing quite like the feeling of squishing a wet hairball under your bare feet. Aaaaaaah.

September 29, 2007 1:41 PM  
Blogger Ziem said...

Dear Fred:

My pet lady trims my toenails. It's not too bad, treats follow. Congrats on the hairball! Dude! I haven't had a good one in quite some time. So, yes, I'm a tad jealous, but I do remember a similar episode. My pet lady did the "duck" dance too. I really think it's a happy hairball dance.

Have a nice weekend Fred.

Love to you and the family,

Chezwick the wonder cat.

September 29, 2007 3:20 PM  
Blogger Gledwood said...

Hi Fred I used to clean under my nails with my cat's claws. Do you let people do the same?

September 29, 2007 4:39 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

"the bigger question is which is worse, the Warm Hair Ball or the slimey Cold one....sigh...to hard to call ain't it? I know I am still doing extensive research...."exnj

( this is Zena - Enigma's cat...)

September 29, 2007 10:08 PM  
Anonymous pekka said...

Fred old boy, can you keep a secret? This behavior by PoP is very symptomatic for those who have inferior feelings about themselves. Remember her desperate effort to curtail your blogging which, by the way, is as good as or even better than hers. Take my word, great hairball is beyond her capabilities and that just makes her ducken envious of you.

September 30, 2007 1:41 AM  
Blogger Oceanshaman said...

Don't sweat it, Fred . . . it's all psycho-sexual, and relates back to forgotten childhood experiences and unconscious motivations . . .

Stuff you felines need not worry yourselves . . .

Keep spittin' out them hairballs . . . a token of your divinity . . .

September 30, 2007 9:01 AM  
Blogger Gary said...

Dred, it was her way of saying, "Why can't I produce a lovely hairball like this in the middle of the night!

Humans are dunny that way...

September 30, 2007 9:40 AM  
Blogger Scarlet Witch said...

Hi, Fred. Sylvio is back, and he looks a lot like you, did you know?

September 30, 2007 4:05 PM  
Blogger The Truffle said...

Fred, Pop can probably get you a nice gravy or a laxative which would cut down on all the hairballs. Would you like that? That way she wouldn't confuse you with duck talk.

October 01, 2007 10:38 AM  
Blogger MichaelBains said...

Duckin' eh! I may often miss my li'l Caesar, but I'm so glad I don't have to deal with hairballs anymore. And the last I hear, m' dude was havin' a blast on a farm, catching moles and (ahem) the occasional rabbit.

Cats will be cats, eh Fred?

October 01, 2007 3:14 PM  
Blogger oldwhitelady said...

Oh, Fred the Cat, you look mighty handsome in that picture. Are you showing your claw?

As for the hairball, you probably didn't have to work too hard to sculpt it. You look like you have plenty of beautiful hair to create more. Keep up the good work.

I'm wondering if your mom might have banged her toe on that piece of art. That could easily make someone yell, "Duck!Duck!Duck". Though, I'm also wondering if "D" is actually the first letter of that word she was saying? Couldn't it easily have been a "B", as for buck. Maybe she was thinking of selling your artwork on E-bay. Did it look like Jesus?

October 03, 2007 7:34 PM  

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