In a funk
I find myself in a funk lately. My values seem to be changing as I grow older. Should they? Is that normal?
posted by pissed off patricia at 2:05 AM
Monday, October 15, 2007
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- Mother Nature, Chicken Wings and Football
36 Comments:
totally normal
join the club.....
Values change ... mellow, strengthen, shift; we develop new ones and some that don't serve us or anyone else leave us.
Your funk could be due to something else entirely. I recommend full-spectrum bulbs, eschewing wheat and dairy, and adding a vitamin D supplement. Nobody listens to me, so I don't know if this works for anyone but me :-)
Yep.
You are now experienced.
Oh, how dangerous we would be if we could somehow have youth and experience at the same time.
Welcome to the Club! ; )
PoP... I think it is probably part of a process, but I must admit to wondering more about what the shift and the changes are about.
Not knowing, I can simply say that in the past few years my values have changed, but perhaps that is not the right word.
For me- and this may be very different than for you, mine have become clearer. As a result of that clarity, they have become more well defined and thus put more into action. Hey- I'm no hero, I wish I lived my values more often, but I do so more often now than before.
It is interesting that you post this, because I have been thinking about it in a different way. I have been tossing the idea around in my brain about how to write about values.
There are those who would say values are "following Christ"(not a value says this believer) and "not killing babies"(don't get me started on those asshats) or "anti gay marriage"(STFU. Now.) However those are positions and beliefs and not values.
Values are deeper and can not only shift but can mature and crystallize. Values may be truth, honesty, community, collaboration.
Oh wait. I forgot - you probably know all this being the intelligent person you are. I just forget because we live in the dumb ass states of bushland.
Sorry for the rant! Ranting is not a value but I do it quite often.
Search on sister, search on.
Hope your value funk hasn't got you reading the American Enterprise Institute bulletins. That would be bad for us all.
Well POP, my values haven't changed one iota since 1982, and I don't know your inner id, so I can't offer any sage advice.
However, if you find yourself drawn towards the ramblings of the PNAC, the Federalist Society, William Kristol, or any form of Newtisms, seek professional help immediately!
Like most of your other commenters, I agree that changing values are part of the process of living. If we didn't change some in reaction to our experiences, we'd be in pretty sad shape.
And I agree with dr. know....if you're moving toward wingnuttery, please, go get help!
yes and no. Some things become less and less important, so you allow your thoughts to change. Some things however should be part of your core and you should still care about, even once you become a billionaire.
I guess it's called "evolving" or something like that...
brings to mind one of my favorite bumper stickers "Evolve or Die"...
so keep on evolving, Pop! Just don't tell me you're turning into a rabid born-again right-winger! (never mind, that wouldn't count as evolving)
I thank God everyday that I'm not the gal I used to be! I don't fight change anymore, I embrace it. I think, in my case, that my values have changed for the better. I'm not as judgmental, and I'm willing to go with the flow or change directions in mid-stream, if need be.
What you are experiencing couldn't be MORE normal! If you don't change, IMO, it means that you haven't learned anything as you've gotten older.
POP,
Sorry to hear you’re in a funk. A little Monday morning (or Sunday night) depression is not too unusual. Don’t rule out weed allergies. Fall pollen can really be a booger (no pun intended.) Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am a reasonably healthy organism living on a beautiful and mysterious planet, and that people love me despite how unworthy of that love I know myself to be.
I would like to know how your values are changing. Mine just seem to become more firmly set.
For inspiration I will copy the final stanza of Wallace Steven’s “Le Monocle de Mon Oncle.” Oh, and take Murphy for a walk. You will both feel better.
XII.
A blue pigeon it is, that circles the blue sky,
On sidelong wing, around and round and round.
A white pigeon it is, that flutters to the ground,
Grown tired of flight. Like a dark rabbi, I
Observed, when young, the nature of mankind,
In lordly study. Every day, I found
Man proved a gobbet in my mincing world.
Like a rose rabbi, later, I pursued,
And still pursue, the origin and course
Of love, but until now I never knew
That fluttering things have so distinct a shade.
I know that I have changed as I've gotten older, but my core values seem to have stayed pretty solid. If you are talking about wild swings to the right, that is not part of natural process of aging.
yeah, change is a bitch, the changes i tend to prefer are the ones that i don't even notice until they have been done. . .like finishing some sort of activity and realizing "dude, that's new." one of the cooler things i've heard in AA is that when the pain of remaining the same outweighs the fear of change an opportunity for growth is presented."
i get in funks too. i force myself to trudge on and muddle through. then, it usually gets better.
No. No. Change is bad. One must remain exactly the same throughout one's life. When you're angry you should scream and stamp your feed and throw yourself on the floor and wail until someone gives you a sweet. And when you're happy you should jump up and down and clap your hands and laugh really loud. And sometimes you should just skip down the street because of the sheer joy of being alive. And if someone bugs you, you should tell them they're stupid and maybe push them down. And if you don't like something you should throw it against the wall. And if you're scared of something you should curl up into a ball under a blanket and suck your thumb and close your eyes until it goes away. Maintaining this childlike response to life will keep you stress-free guaranteed.
having just hit 50, i can relate.
my tolerance for certain things is next-to-nothing. like stupid americans, for instance. the ones that thought bush would be a good president. sorry, no excuses. your mistake cost us much that was dear.
no take-backs. (grrrrr, don't EVEN get me started!)
Change of/in any form is good.
Change is growth.
Growth is Knowledge.
Knowledge is power.
Power is strength to handle change.
Or something to that affect.
yes we change. just think if we didn't grow and change and ponder things.
we'd be bushes! ; )
at least you have values, and you must know what they are if you are aware of changes. an examined life, so to speak. you have opened an interesting discussion. we (i'll dare to speak for others) are curious about exactly what values you have dropped and which taken up.
The changing of values can be a good thing. If my own did not change before, I would be the same old monster I was. Change can be good.
Sounds normal to me, and maybe you could say it is deeper wisdom coming from the circumstances of life.
What like turning 30 and figuring out your kinda, sorta, turning out to be a Libertarian? The "Enemy" in many respects? ...ya, going through that. I'm definitely not a Democrat anymore and I feel sorry for those left having to defend them.
Depends on how they're changing. I know people who have become increasingly rightwing and money-hungry over time; I'd say that's a bad trend. I find myself becoming more and more aware of unnecessary consumption, waste, greed, and more and more inclined to conserve. I'd say that's a good direction for values. Keener and maybe a bit meaner.
Of course they do they always do.
Most people become more right wing as they grow older. It's happened to me and happened quite a lot to a friend I knew "I used to be the most right on person I knew" he complained... but just is NOT any more...
PoP, values tend to change and depending if you are a big fan of Georgie, the leader guy, it's bad, or it's good if you don't consider him somebody you would love to emulate.
Too bad that you don't comment here, PoP, for I am sensing something is troubling you, and forgive me, you have lost some of your previous fire. Thank goddess, Fred is still in very good form! ;)
I don't think my values have changed; just my energy level.
I'm assuming you haven't suddenly signed up for Focus on the Family.
Values should change, as education becomes available to show they need changing.
And you're not the only one in a funk.
We all get our funk on now and again...nothing to worry about. But, yeah...if that funk took you to the dark side...ewww...too horrible to think about!
Blogger ate our comment we left yesterday.
Values should change as we grow and experience and mature. And maturity doesn't always come with age!!
Now, you could have spent $150 for someone to listen to you, but the blogosphere did it for you, and we think that you should spend that money on new toys for Fred and Murphy because in their opinion, as long as they are the most valued in your life, then you are right on the mark.
Luf, Us
A little late, but I've found as I get older, I appreciate things better, but as that's going on, there's the flux with everything else, and the totality of all that I had relied upon, because that is changing, make me prone to this, that, or the other feeling.
Armchair psychology at its worst, but I hope that made sense!
Hey, my comment didn't come through! I think I messed up the word verification. I can't remember all of what I said, but I think the most important thing was -- when I'm in a funk, I usually
1. wallow in it and enjoy the brood (the Shakespearean tragedy approach)
2. take a walk in the woods (the Thoreau approach)
3. eat a bunch of Oreos and a big glass of milk (the-uh-Delia approach)
Everyone changes, some for the better, some for the worse. Knowing you as I do, I would imagine you're changing and evolving for the even-better. You're a wonderful soul, sister. A paring-down of the things we consider important is, in my opinion, a good thing: it gives us more time to cherish the things we still think are important.
Nice to know I'm not alone in this... I don't know if it's age or the season, but sometimes, more and more regularly, the pieces just don't seem to fit anymore.
Hi PoP,
Not sure you will go back to these comments but if you do, here is a poem that came to me that reminded me of your post...
The Summer Day by Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--
the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-- who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
-Mary Oliver
Maybe this is the problem;
Winston Churchill said, "If you are not a liberal at 20, you have no heart. If you are not a conservative at 40, you have no brain."
Nope, I'm still the same radical brat I have always been. But my values have indeed changed. Blood pressure, total cholesterol, HDLs, LDLs, all up. And what goes up still goes up but with regretfully less frequency than when I was younger.
I think it's good that you're evaluating the changes you feel you're going through. Having no idea exactly how or what is changing, I don't know how to respond other than this.
I wish more people would take the time to assess themselves. Sounds like a good thing to put in my blog. I think there's nothing sadder than seeing an old person who hasn't changed one bit over the course of their life.
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