Monday, June 29, 2009

My Michael Jackson Story

I tried to make my first marriage last and I tried for almost ten years. I thought maybe he would realize he couldn’t handle alcohol. I thought maybe he would stop being so amazingly controlling. I thought maybe one day he would break away from his doting mother…at least as much as most people do. I thought one day he would stop criticizing the things about me that I had no control over. I thought one day he would see me as his equal. Yes, I know I should have known better, and those thoughts never came to pass. I told him I wanted a divorce.

I know he really did love me in his own sort of way, but there were many hurdles he couldn’t or refused to cross. When I brought up the subject of divorce at first he was stoic but weeks later he was hurt and it showed.

The last time I saw him was the day I took him to the airport as he left to pursue a job in the northeast. This has also played a part in the timing of our going our separate ways. I didn’t want to move back up there and continue life the way it was and had been for ten years.

As I was driving back home from the airport after telling him good-bye for a final time and remembering the tears welling in his eyes as I left him at the airport, the radio in the car was on and the song “She’s out of my Life” by Michael Jackson began to play. I began to cry so hard I could barely see. Many of the words of that song could have been written at that very moment by the man who I had just left at that airport and I knew it.

4 Comments:

Blogger Fixer said...

It's always sad to end a relationship - my first didn't end well 20-odd years ago. It's amazing how the most appropriate songs come on when you're hurting. I've thought about it and I think we're just more sensitive to 'em at times like that. Like you, I eventually found a great person to share my life with.

June 29, 2009 2:54 AM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

There are always songs that bring us back to key moments in our lives like that. I'm glad you were able to find the right person later on - but as Fixer says, there is always regret about the ones that didn't work out.

June 29, 2009 4:52 AM  
Blogger dguzman said...

Love you, Pop.

June 30, 2009 7:16 AM  
Blogger Freida Bee, MD said...

This is such a sad, yet beautiful post. That first paragraph gave me chills, because I know it quite well, and am living it some of the time still.

That's really a pretty song.

July 04, 2009 2:22 PM  

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