Thursday, October 30, 2008

Needs (a follow up to yesterday’s post)

To follow up on my post yesterday, I feel I want to say something more about my decision with the little dog and what I discovered about myself.

Like I said yesterday, the soul searching began at the shelter, but it didn’t end there. All that afternoon I questioned my decision that I had made at the shelter. It dogged me (no pun intended) into the night and right on through until the morning. How could I walk away from that little dog? That just isn’t like me. Then it came to me why I was in such a quandary. It was all based on the past three years of Murphy’s life.

When Murphy lost his sight and his ability to hear, he became a sort of special needs little dog. Also with his ageing his schedule became erratic. He needed to go out more often during the day and night. His appetite would kick in at three in the morning. He couldn’t be left alone for any long period of time. To be painfully blunt, he wasn’t a buddy anymore, he was a little patient. He showed no joy as he interacted with us. He was past those years. It’s amazing how Mother Nature gently and gradually takes an old pet away even before its death.

As many of you know we had to rip our hearts apart and do what was right for Murphy last February due to his canine dementia. We had to let him go.

So there it is. That is the reason I just couldn’t adopt another little dog with special needs. I am just not ready to care for another little dog who is a patient. I need a new buddy. He or she is out there, we just haven’t found one another yet.

(Hell yes, I am crying as I write this. Sometimes that happens when one digs deeply into their soul)

20 Comments:

Blogger Fixer said...

So there it is. That is the reason I just couldn’t adopt another little dog with special needs. I am just not ready to care for another little dog who is a patient.

I can understand that. Shayna has had a lot of health problems throughout her life, starting with a dysplasia diagnosis when she was 6 months old. While I wouldn't trade the time or money (I coulda put a kid through college) we've spent on her, and would do it all over again for the joy she's given, and continues to give, to us, it's been a lot of work over the past 10 years.

October 30, 2008 2:41 AM  
Blogger betmo said...

hugs to you pop- you have done the right thing again. that little dog needs a family that needs to have someone to care for- not a buddy. it is kinder that you have allowed that to happen. and good that you allowed yourself to realize this. hugs.

October 30, 2008 5:29 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

Tough decision PoP but usually the initial decision is the right one. On reflection you distilled the answer for your self. You would have wound up resenting the little guy because he couldn't be just a buddy. Your buddy is out there waiting.

October 30, 2008 5:57 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

That's perfectly understandable POP, it's a tough decision, but you were honest enough to make the right one. Had you taken him on anyway, the two of you would have been miserable.

Your dog is out there, just like that dog's human is out there...

October 30, 2008 6:11 AM  
Blogger Forty Paws said...

Aw yes. We have the same problem here with so many special needs cats. It's a lot of work, and very tiring a great deal of the time. Maw thinks about the days when we'll all be over the bridge and wonders whether she will get any additional cats in the future.

Luf, Us

October 30, 2008 6:20 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

well, i am crying too. sadly, you made the right decision. i think we all have gone through our pets life cycle from scattered little puppy or kitten to ageing loved one. it was 4 years ago this month that i had to put my beloved Heidi down. it still is very painful.
you will go out and find a healthy pet that desperatly needs your love and that will make you fulfilled.

October 30, 2008 6:25 AM  
Blogger LeftLeaningLady said...

PoP, what a heartbreaking decision and what a sad time it brought back for you. It's been almost 4 years since we lost our Chance and I am so thankful that he went quickly. I don't know that I could have ever made the decision to let him go. Bless you. You will find your buddy.

My thoughts are with you. Although, I should be a little annoyed, because I have a meeting in 15 minutes and now there is mascara running down my face.

October 30, 2008 6:46 AM  
Blogger Randal Graves said...

You'll find your new buddy.

October 30, 2008 7:06 AM  
Blogger dguzman said...

Aw Pop. Don't cry. You made the right choice, even if it's hard. You'll find your next pup out there, and he'll be perfect. Until then, hang in there.

October 30, 2008 7:07 AM  
Blogger Sator Arepo said...

Be well, Pop. We're all with you. And, likely, crying a little.

October 30, 2008 7:37 AM  
Blogger roger said...

well done pop. not easy. but well done.

October 30, 2008 7:47 AM  
Blogger Jim Yeager said...

You did the right thing. It's just that "right" and "easy" rarely line up with each other...

October 30, 2008 7:52 AM  
Anonymous via said...

"He showed no joy as he interacted with us. He was past those years."

Dear PoP, I am very sorry for the wrenching your soul has received, both with Murphy and with the little shelter dog. You have helped me, though, with your story about Murphy.

I was just sitting 5 minutes ago wondering if it was time to let our 15 year old Airedale go. He is experiencing some of the same infirmities as Murphy. He is almost blind and deaf, needs us to create a sling from a towel to help him up and down the 3 steps to the back yard. He sometimes starts barking for no apparent reason, hearing or seeing something in his new, bewildering world that we cannot. He doesn't have much warning before he needs to go poop, and then can't give us warning in time, so I often have to clean and wash his bed in the morning.

The difference between Angus and Murphy is, though, that Angus still loves life. He impatiently and imperiously reminds me when it is meal time. He still loves to walk between my legs 'under the bridge' and stand while I scratch his back. He still has his goofy Airedale sense of humor.

Your post has helped me to see that it isn't time, not yet, for Angus to leave us. I just pray to whatever in the universe might make it so, that when it is time he just drifts away while dreaming of racing across the pasture for the sheer love of it, like he used to do. I don't want to take him a day too early, or wait a day too long.

Love you, and thanks,

Via

October 30, 2008 7:53 AM  
Blogger Annie said...

apologies if i contributed to your sorrow in any way. my point was that whether it's kids or pets, they are never challenge-free. life's weird that way. hope you find the dog you need soon.

October 30, 2008 9:42 AM  
Blogger thailandchani said...

I get you completely. Sometimes we just need to honestly admit what we're up for and what we're not. Perhaps some day you will want to do that ~ and it's perfectly okay that now isn't that time.


~*

October 30, 2008 9:43 AM  
Blogger Mauigirl said...

I totallly know what you mean. We had had a very old cat, Mathilda, who lived to be nearly 20. When she passed on, an old stray cat showed up on our doorstep. She had no teeth and was very skinny. Turned out she had cancer and we had her for four months before she died. Then an outdoor cat that we fed occasionally showed up with a breathing problem - turned out to be cancer - we nursed her through her final days. Then another cat showed up and we adopted him, but found out he had feline AIDS. We had him two years and he got lymphoma and we had to put him to sleep.

So we finally decided to adopt a cat from a shelter that was pre-tested for disease and would live a long life with us - it was too depressing to keep acting as a cat hospice. That's how we got Baxter.

So I understand your hesitation, your not being ready to adopt a dog who would be a "patient." That's not what you need right now.

October 30, 2008 11:11 PM  
Blogger eProf2 said...

There is always a "price" to pay for starting and stopping a relationship with another living soul. I hope for you what you hope for yourselves in adopting another dog. Murphy can't be replaced, but you can find happiness with another k-9. Best wishes, and have a happy halloween tonight.

October 31, 2008 8:45 AM  
Blogger TaraDharma said...

you made a decision based on introspection and self-awareness. Best for you, best for the lil' pup. Honestly. Hugs --

November 02, 2008 6:02 PM  
Blogger Spartacus said...

Like Randal said.. your new buddy's out there PoP. Wait for it to reveal itself.

November 05, 2008 7:25 PM  
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