Sunday, September 24, 2006

Pet Peeves and You’re a Lawmaker for a Day

I think we all have pet peeves, things that drive us personally nuts. Some are minor, but aggravating none the less. If you were a lawmaker for a day and could make anything illegal, what would it be?

I would make it illegal to pour anything into a martini glass but a gin or vodka martini. None of this cutesy drink business, a pure martini is the only thing that is worthy of resting inside the hallowed walls of these fine glasses. Anyone who cracks their gum would risk being behind bars too.


Blogger Fixer said...

I'd make bump drafting legal on the highway.

September 24, 2006 3:57 AM  
Blogger Sue Woo said...

PoP I totally agree with the drink idea.

Mine would be outlawing SUVs from stopping in the right lane before making a right turn. Or maybe just outlawing gas guzzlers period!

September 24, 2006 4:33 AM  
Blogger Mimus Pauly said...

I'd criminalize breaching the wall of separation of church and state. Then I'd threaten to burn at the stake anyone found guilty of breaching it. But I'd let them appeal for a lighter sentence first, like going to jail for life. And then I'd send them to jail for life, because I aim to please.

That would cool their infantile crusading ardor right quick...

September 24, 2006 4:38 AM  
Blogger Lew Scannon said...

I would make it illegal for the US to use torture on people, and find a way to make it stick....

September 24, 2006 5:50 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Out the window with horn beeping for anything other than the direst emergency. Road rage of the finger flipping, obscenity spewing type would be a capital offense.

September 24, 2006 6:04 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Add confiscation of any automobile where you could hear what is playing inside the car when standing or driving more than five feet from said car.

September 24, 2006 6:05 AM  
Blogger Gort said...

So many things. Fat people wearing spandex. Lawyers and pills being advertised on TV. George Steinbrenner. American Idol. Cruising the left lane in my blind spot.Cable News obsessing about nonsense. Paying to park my car. Spam.

September 24, 2006 6:07 AM  
Anonymous Colleen said...


September 24, 2006 6:21 AM  
Blogger Yoga Korunta said...

The Gitmo Hotel has rooms for SUV drivers who toss cigarette butts out their windows.

September 24, 2006 6:40 AM  
Blogger colorado bob said...

Don't get me started .

September 24, 2006 7:03 AM  
Anonymous Betty Cracker said...

Erectile dysfunction commercials. I would have preferred that my 8-year-old daughter learn what erectile FUNCTION was -- 20 years from now -- before I was forced to explain "ED." Thanks Levitra, Viagra, Cialis, etc., for advertising incessantly during sports broadcasts.

I'm also sick of osteoporosis drug commercials. But if we must have them and be simultaneously bombarded with ED commercials, how about calling the osteoporosis drug "Cialis" and calling the ED drug "Boniva." It would at least be somewhat amusing.

September 24, 2006 7:04 AM  
Anonymous Knox Rover said...

1. Sports programming pre-empting my favorite shows.
2. Paris Hilton--find a far-off island and drop the skank off. I'm sick of hearing about her.
3. People who talk on cell phones while driving.
4. The mob of people wanting me to sign petitions, buy candy for their school club, donate to a charity who pester me when I'm trying to enter the grocery store (big here in San Diego, maybe not elsewhere).
5. People who dis environmentalists. Lock 'em in a room and make 'em breathe filthy air and drink dirty water and see how long they last.

September 24, 2006 8:36 AM  
Blogger colorado bob said...

Oh well... I'm powerless to resist.

The use of : " If you will" on CNN. Barbara Starr being the #1 offender.
No I won't Barbara.

PoP Craig checked in at Jamie's.

September 24, 2006 8:42 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

See Alice and Bone Iva ...

very funny Alice

September 24, 2006 9:11 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...


Add "The fact of the matter is..."

No it isn't

September 24, 2006 9:13 AM  
Blogger fallenmonk said...

I'm a purist. Any drink that is not gin and vermouth with an olive is not a martini. Even vodka violates the rule.
You can mix all the concoctions you want but don't call it a martini.

September 24, 2006 9:16 AM  
Blogger Trial.Lawyer.Richard said...

I would imprison anyone for using the term "fair and balanced" to describe Fox News.

While I'm at it I'd imprison Bill O'Reilly too....just on general principles.


September 24, 2006 9:21 AM  
Anonymous Colleen said...

and..."do you know what I'm saying?"

geez, fallenmonk, what if gin makes me sick? can't I please have a vodka martini (with 6 olives?)

September 24, 2006 9:28 AM  
Blogger DoctorBoogaloo said...

I would ban 'Head On, apply directly to the forehead' commercials.
Also Ann Coulter. (This would need to be signed into law, written in perpetuity.)

September 24, 2006 12:55 PM  
Blogger PoliShifter said...

I would make it against the law to start preemptive wars without solid verifyable evidence that we were under immediate threat from an attack.

I would also outlaw war profiteering

Then I would ban lobbying, get rid of the electoral college, allow instant run off voting, then stand back and watch Democracy for The People flourish.

September 24, 2006 1:06 PM  
Blogger Stupid Git said...

Oh, I disagree so strongly with your assertion that a martini glass is not suited to a finely chilled Tequila that my blood is boiling! (OK, that's an exaggeration...) Please though, I beg of you not to take away my inalienable right to sip my tequila in a dignified manner from an exquisite martini glass. Please!

September 24, 2006 1:15 PM  
Blogger Endorendil said...

Taking a right on red should be illegal. Oh yea, like those asswipes will actually look for pedestrians first?

Make it illegal not to vote in any and all elections you qualify for. Jailtime, dude, no warnings.

Make all private firearms illegal that you don't hunt with - and you don't get to hunt with more than one gun. And "guns" don't have automatic modes, fire anything that can kill more than a large deer or have a range over a few 100 feet. Applying for a flame-thrower? Gitmo for you, terrorist.

If I could pick only one, though, I'ld make it illegal for anyone to be monolingual. If you only speak english, Jack, you have no way of knowing how limiting language really is. If you've never tried to translate a moderately complex thought into another language, chances are you just don't understand how many ways words can be misunderstood. There are ways to teach people to use language correctly, and to express themselves accurately, but teaching them another language fluently is a great starting point.

September 24, 2006 1:17 PM  
Blogger DivaJood said...

I would make "reality" television shows illegal.

September 24, 2006 1:34 PM  
Anonymous blackdog said...

Wondered where you went, PoP, now that I've found your blog I'll visit some. Hope you're doing well.

September 24, 2006 2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not a pet peeve, but I'd make it impossible for any president to follow the ideas of the "unitary executive", Constitutionally allowed as Commander In Chief during wartime to act as lawmaker, executor, and judge all rolled into one, with no one to say otherwise.

It's bullshit, but that's what these jokers believe......

- oddjob

September 24, 2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger Time said...

I would make it illegal for bills in Congress to have hidden or add-on "Pork" resolutions in a bill.

September 24, 2006 4:19 PM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

i used to dream of being named "minister of culture" for a benign dictatorship or monarchy. i would then institute the death penalty for anyone caught painting on black velvet or doing a cover version of a beegee's song.

September 24, 2006 5:15 PM  
Blogger DoctorBoogaloo said...

PoP... I've just tagged you for the movie tell-all. (And you can't get out of it. I posted your name on an update at the Lunch Counter.) Har!

September 24, 2006 6:10 PM  
Blogger troutsky said...

A bit harsh but I understand the sentiment.Few will know what a chain saw carved bear is (outside provincial Rocky Mountain region)but I would make it illegal to own or make one.

September 24, 2006 6:52 PM  
Blogger Robert said...

Betty is right on because I have 3 daughters myself....

Adding a tip on my bill at a restaurant when the bill is totalled like it is a right. I tip based upon the service.

Asking me "will there be anything else today?" or "Would you like ____ with that?" If I wanted it I would have asked for it.

The new NCAA rule about the clock starting when the ball is put into play. Stupid.

As long as I mentioned football, I would eliminate the BCS Championship. Geesh, they screwed up a perfectly good system.

Car Salesmen.

September 24, 2006 8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too many to list, so I'll keep it simple:

No Bloody Mary shall ever be presented for my consumption without at least, two full spoons of Old Bay Seasoning in it ;)

September 24, 2006 8:25 PM  
Blogger Human said...

1 Billion Dollar fine for people who throw their cigerette butts on the ground. Or they can work it off. They got to pick up a Billion Cigerette butts.
This would be a comprehensive Anti-Litter campaign. Other litterers gotta clean the neighborhood up. 100 hours 1st offence. 1 thousand hours 2nd, 1 million hours 3rd, you get the idea. I don't much like litterers.

However, as long as we are dreaming, I'd settle for a Verifiable Vote for Voting Voters and the Votes they cast.

September 24, 2006 8:53 PM  
Blogger BBC said...

I don't know about that. I drink weak light beer. But I drink a lot of it. :-)

September 24, 2006 10:15 PM  
Blogger bluegrrrrl said...

I think all those fruity martinis should be illegal (no offense to my many friends who like them).

I also think the neighbors who live behind me should be illegal. OK, their brand new, expensive stereo that loves to blast rap every moment of the weekend, until the wee hours of the morning should be taken into custody immediately and locked behind bars forever.

September 25, 2006 6:41 AM  
Blogger Blueberry said...

No more Bono.
The Edge can stay.

September 25, 2006 10:56 AM  
Blogger Sewmouse said...

As Supreme Ruler for Today:

The noise commonly known as "Rap Music" shall be banned in all it's forms.

All male womens' clothing designers shall be forced to prove heterosexuality and familiarity with the female form (breasts and all) prior to producing, displaying or even designing any apparel.

"Tattle Tale" Tabloids shall be banned from checkout aisles, and may only be sold from behind the counter by special request in plain-brown-wrappers in the same way as Penthouse.

Anyone with an "I have an honor-roll student at XXXXXX school" bumpersticker shall be imprisoned for a term not less than 30 years at hard labor.

So-called "Womens' Magazines" shall have a content of no less than an 8 to 1 ratio of diet recipies and plans to gooey cakes. Gooey cake recipes shall be printed backwards in japanese konji upside down within only the last 2 1/2 pages of any such magazine. No photographs shall be allowed.

September 25, 2006 1:32 PM  
Blogger Kathy said...

There are some great answers here, but I like Betty Crackers the best so far. I think those ED commercials should be outlawed too.

On the subject of commercials, I think political commercials should only be allowed 30 days or less before an election - at any level. Scamway man, DeVos, has been pushing commercials here in Michigan since February and I think my blood pressure went up 10 points each month since then!

September 25, 2006 3:03 PM  
Blogger Yoga Korunta said...

Please write!

October 17, 2006 6:56 PM  

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