Friday, October 20, 2006

My Name is Fred the Cat and I’m Posting Today

Hey guys, I’m Fred the Cat. Patricia is outside reading so I thought I would come in here and do her post today. She’s clueless that I can type and post to Blogger. She’s clueless about a lot of things, as you guys may have discovered by now.

So let me tell you a little about myself. I don’t remember my first months as a kitten but I do have memories, baby. I have some memories to share.

As a mostly grown cat, I found myself roaming the neighborhoods and searching for food. Let me tell you something. We cats don’t eat mice, lizards and birds because it’s like some sort of gourmet food to us. That stuff tastes like hell. We eat it because damn it we’re hungry. Yeah, I know there are sport and trophy hunter cats, but I’m not that kind of guy.

Anyway, one day I’m creeping around this bird feeder. I’m doing my best sneaky cat stuff and all of a sudden, at the house near by, the screen door opens. Damn, now what? This lady walks out, kneels down and calls to me. I’m saying to myself, “What the hell? She doesn’t even know me”. She’s calling me kitty. I kinda like that. She smiles at me and holds out the palm of her hand. She looks friendly enough but can I trust her? Just as I’m about to make my decision she stands back up and goes inside.

Now I don’t know what to do. Should I have gone to her or not? While I’m debating this with myself she reappears and she has something in her hand. She kneels down again and sits a little bowl on the ground. It took about a nanosecond for me to catch the aroma of something that smelled very good. Again, she called to me and held out her hand. Okay, call me a sucker if you want or call me a genius, but I was going to throw caution to the wind and eat whatever the hell it was in that bowl that smelled so good. I decided to take my chances. Oh god, what is that stuff and how do I get more?

I decided to hang around this place ‘cause I’m lovin’ the fare. Each day she repeated the feeding and each day I trusted her more. One day she put the food inside a strange looking contraption and I walked right in to eat. Next thing I know I’m locked in this carrier and I’m traveling to the veterinarian’s office. There I was poked with sharp pins. They called it “given shots” and then I fell asleep. When I woke up I realized I had been robbed. My family jewels were gone. I was crushed. No more sowing of wild oats for this cat.

But you know what? I gave up my family jewels and in return I got a family of my very own. No more trying to avoid cars on the road or animals in the woods. I’ve got it made. These are people who love the hell out of me, feed me well and keep me inside where I can stay healthy and safe. Hell, who needs family jewels when you can live with a jewel of a family? Don’t tell anyone, but when I hear them say I’m “part of the family” it kind of makes me feel like doing a little cat crying..

Okay, yeah I got some shady deals on the side that I can’t discuss with you. I am involved in some things I can’t talk about, but all in all I’m just one happy ex-street cat. Nice to meet you.
(that picture at the top is me the first day I was home after the family jewel robbery. I hopped up on the bed and made myself at home. I heard Patricia call out to me, “Get off the bed, Fred” They have called me Fred from that day on.)


Blogger Mimus Pauly said...

Well, Fred, if you're happy, I'm happy.

All the same, I'll be watching you. One may remove the cat from the outdoors, but one can never remove the outdoors from the cat. I suggest you stay away from bird feeders in the future...

October 20, 2006 1:02 AM  
Blogger Peacechick Mary said...

Oh, Fred, you are a fantastic story teller. I love it. You are one lucky cat.

October 20, 2006 3:59 AM  
Blogger Sue Woo said...

Hey, Fred,

Junior the cat here. Aren't people weird? I too was snatched up by this lady and hid from her behind the fridge for 2 days. She freaked me out. I soon discovered how soft she is and it's comfy lying on her whenever I get the chance. We gotta do what we gotta do. Go have a nap, man. That's where I'M headed.

October 20, 2006 4:31 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...


We share a similar story. There I was a mere kitten deposited in a dumpster with no clue how to survive other than dining on the garbage.

There must be something about black and white cats that gets these gullible ladies to feed us tasty tidbits. She kept it up until I moved indoors and didn't complain about the odors while I was recovering from the dumpster.

Mine carted me off for those shot thingies and jewel removal, but I can't complain. They've spoiled me rotten for nine years now.

Glad you found a good home.


October 20, 2006 5:14 AM  
Blogger Sammi2u said...

Oh Fred, sounds like you got the life now my friend :o)

October 20, 2006 5:43 AM  
Blogger bluegrrrrl said...

She stole your jewels and then tried to kick you off the bed? The injustice!

Even so, you got one hell of a life, Fred! And I suspect you couldn't have found a nicer human to own...

October 20, 2006 5:56 AM  
Blogger PaxRomano said...

Once again, Frank is linked as a fave friday foto! He's fast becoming a legend.

October 20, 2006 6:37 AM  
Blogger MissMagnoliaThunderpussy said...

Darling Fred, That's a wonderful story, your new family is so lucky to have you as you are them.

If you notice the Madame of the house sporting a new pair of earrings, you'll know where your baubles went.

Now darling, I'm sure you have a great deal of influence, I'd take Miss Patricia aside and recomend a nice quilted damask, it will bring your color out much better than that dreary shade of "Motel Blue". ;)

October 20, 2006 6:41 AM  
Blogger BBC said...

Ah geez, that is so sweet. I have a tear in my eyes. Two of my kittens are sitting on my lap, trying to sneak onto the keyboard. That is a no, no though.

Hey Fred, meet Honey and Helen. Their baby factories have been fixed also. But they are loving and fun to play with.

October 20, 2006 6:48 AM  
Blogger Rainbow Demon said...

Great one, POP


October 20, 2006 7:03 AM  
Blogger DivaJood said...

Fred, Fred, I really want to know if you have a dog costume like Rocky Girl has?

October 20, 2006 7:15 AM  
Blogger robin andrea said...

Our cat had a similar experience, Fred, living on the streets the way you did. But he was sick when my SIL found him. We were asked if we could take care of him until a good and proper home could be found. That was six years ago. He's definitely family now.

October 20, 2006 7:29 AM  
Blogger Blueberry said...

Fred, you lost your jewels but found a family! And you've got a secret first name, "Getoffthebed".

October 20, 2006 7:39 AM  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Fred, you are the envy of all.

October 20, 2006 7:47 AM  
Blogger TheCultureGhost said...

Wonderful story, Fred. Hope we'll be getting more postings from you (particularly the shady deals...)

October 20, 2006 8:58 AM  
Blogger Donnie McDaniel said...

Yea Fred, we want the details.

October 20, 2006 9:31 AM  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

great post PoP

October 20, 2006 9:47 AM  
Anonymous Ami said...

you are one handsome devil....I was brought to the local shelter by owners who didn't want me anymore....when rebellious renee (whom I own) showed up, I cried as loud as I could and pulled on her hair through the bars on my cage as she looked at some snooty Ragdoll in the cage below...
ha, ha....she chose me over that fru fru purebred...
I get to sleep every night right between her and Rick's pillows...I'm one lucky girl...

if you lived closer...I'd love to share my Science Diet with you...

October 20, 2006 9:50 AM  
Blogger isabelita said...

Black and white cats have been my favorites over the past thirty-some years. We're down to one these days, and as wonderful as he has been, he may be my last, in that I don't know how any other cat could be as sweet and loving.

October 20, 2006 2:16 PM  
Blogger azgoddess said...

so kittys who can write!!

October 20, 2006 2:30 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

So did she manage to keep you off the bed? My cats are everywhere and I've given up. They all know who runs the house. Hint: It isn't me.

You sure are one good looking cat.

October 20, 2006 4:37 PM  
Blogger L>T said...

Awesome pat! he reminds of a kitten we got from the pound once for my daughters 14th birthday that she named after a boyfriend That she renamed krittin after the boyfriend was no more. unfortunately , cat AIDS swept through the nieghborhood & took him away. We still love our kittys though!

October 20, 2006 8:10 PM  
Blogger The Future Was Yesterday said...

Been wanting to meet you for quite a while, Fred. My name's Blackie, and out of like a hundred pictures of me, that dumbass I own has to use one of me catching a quick forty on my back, by his computer. I outta show you what that old fool looks like on the couch sometime! Hairball city, I'm tellin' ya, Man! I found this house the same way you did, even lost the jewels the same way, but it didn't really matter. I was freezing them off in the November rain in a parking lot, crying my head off anyway. Do you like that tuna stuff? That's how he caught me. Man, I get that stuff around here everyday. Jewels? What Jewels??? Who needs jewels when there's Tuna???

October 20, 2006 10:33 PM  
Blogger paris said...

Hi! Fred My name is Hitler. Paris didn't name me that her Father-in-law did. You enjoy your new life I too was an orphan once when an old man found me I was full of burrs and infested with fleas I couldn't scrach fast enough to save my hide. Then the old man gave me to Paris and she bathed me (ewww I hated that) but then I quit scratching and the burrs were gone and she feed me some raw eggs and olive oil to make my coat shine and I had a special pillow, a Large feather pillow all to myself and she would pet me and stroke me all the time I even went for rides with her. We even go fishing together and I get the little ones to eat. I'm hell on all four but she loves me (I won't stay off the dining room table, she throws her house slipper at me and I'll jump off and always land on all four). She took my family jewels too and my font claws seems how I wouldn't leave anything alone but I stay inside. You be good to Patricia and someday we'll meet.

October 21, 2006 6:01 AM  
Blogger betmo said...

yeah- but you looked so comfy fred. if it's any consolation- my big ex-tom- adopted me too. he was a needy little kitten who someone dumped on my family. i transported him to live with me- and robbed him of his jewels too after he peed on my husband's pillow. i got my little girl sophie as a baby- she never even knew she had any jewels. :) they have kindly taken me into their group and i am now a crazy cat lady. enjoy and educate your family fred on the complexities of napping. :)

October 21, 2006 6:03 AM  
Blogger Gary said...

Hi Fred, you seem like an articulate and interesting feline. Glad you've found some suitable humans. Keep an eye out for them and be sure to purr regularly. Keep the claws to yourself.

October 21, 2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger Joseph Ryan said...


October 21, 2006 10:01 PM  
Blogger abi said...

Well said, Fred.

October 22, 2006 9:57 AM  
Blogger JBlue said...

Fred, your human's blog has been trying to keep me from posting, but I am sneaking in under the guise of my human(JuBlue) to tell you I loved your story about how you came to possess your humans. (Why do we cats and our humans love these stories so much?) Anyway, congrats on finding the good life, Fred. Sounds like your humans are as crazy about you as mine are about me. CATS RULE, man!

Your friend,
Jango Catt

October 22, 2006 11:18 AM  
Blogger George said...

Hey Fred, cool post.

My owner picked me up at the animal shelter the day before I was scheduled to be euthanized.

They treat me pretty good and I get to watch TV and play on the laptop when no one is around.

Things could be worse.....

October 22, 2006 1:48 PM  
Anonymous Libby said...

You so rock Fred.

October 22, 2006 7:20 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

Comfy eh Fred?

October 23, 2006 2:03 AM  
Blogger Sothis said...

Hey Fred, this is Kiva, Sothis' cat. I, too, am an ex-street cat now living on easy street. Don't bother jumping off the bed--they do anything we say. Just rub up against them from time to time, purr, and look cute. Humans eat that crap up.

Hey, at least you got to stay in the States. They moved me to Belgium, and now I have to learn Dutch. At least they have a thousand different kinds of pate here...

October 23, 2006 3:18 AM  
Blogger LVDem said...

Hey fred, this is Bob the Dog! My jewels were snipped to but the grub is well worth it. But the jokes on you kid: I get to sleep on the bed!

October 26, 2006 6:03 PM  
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Не для кого не секрет, что экономика Украины в настоящее время находится в кризисе. Не смотря на это, есть специалисты, которые под ширмой государственных служащих работают против государства, которое доверило им занимать высокие должности, оплачивает достойную заработную плату, но …?!
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