My Name is Fred the Cat and I’m Posting Today

Hey guys, I’m Fred the Cat. Patricia is outside reading so I thought I would come in here and do her post today. She’s clueless that I can type and post to Blogger. She’s clueless about a lot of things, as you guys may have discovered by now.

So let me tell you a little about myself. I don’t remember my first months as a kitten but I do have memories, baby. I have some memories to share.

As a mostly grown cat, I found myself roaming the neighborhoods and searching for food. Let me tell you something. We cats don’t eat mice, lizards and birds because it’s like some sort of gourmet food to us. That stuff tastes like hell. We eat it because damn it we’re hungry. Yeah, I know there are sport and trophy hunter cats, but I’m not that kind of guy.

Anyway, one day I’m creeping around this bird feeder. I’m doing my best sneaky cat stuff and all of a sudden, at the house near by, the screen door opens. Damn, now what? This lady walks out, kneels down and calls to me. I’m saying to myself, “What the hell? She doesn’t even know me”. She’s calling me kitty. I kinda like that. She smiles at me and holds out the palm of her hand. She looks friendly enough but can I trust her? Just as I’m about to make my decision she stands back up and goes inside.

Now I don’t know what to do. Should I have gone to her or not? While I’m debating this with myself she reappears and she has something in her hand. She kneels down again and sits a little bowl on the ground. It took about a nanosecond for me to catch the aroma of something that smelled very good. Again, she called to me and held out her hand. Okay, call me a sucker if you want or call me a genius, but I was going to throw caution to the wind and eat whatever the hell it was in that bowl that smelled so good. I decided to take my chances. Oh god, what is that stuff and how do I get more?

I decided to hang around this place ‘cause I’m lovin’ the fare. Each day she repeated the feeding and each day I trusted her more. One day she put the food inside a strange looking contraption and I walked right in to eat. Next thing I know I’m locked in this carrier and I’m traveling to the veterinarian’s office. There I was poked with sharp pins. They called it “given shots” and then I fell asleep. When I woke up I realized I had been robbed. My family jewels were gone. I was crushed. No more sowing of wild oats for this cat.

But you know what? I gave up my family jewels and in return I got a family of my very own. No more trying to avoid cars on the road or animals in the woods. I’ve got it made. These are people who love the hell out of me, feed me well and keep me inside where I can stay healthy and safe. Hell, who needs family jewels when you can live with a jewel of a family? Don’t tell anyone, but when I hear them say I’m “part of the family” it kind of makes me feel like doing a little cat crying..

Okay, yeah I got some shady deals on the side that I can’t discuss with you. I am involved in some things I can’t talk about, but all in all I’m just one happy ex-street cat. Nice to meet you.
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(that picture at the top is me the first day I was home after the family jewel robbery. I hopped up on the bed and made myself at home. I heard Patricia call out to me, “Get off the bed, Fred” They have called me Fred from that day on.)