Thursday, August 10, 2006

Total Chaos and the Cable Guy

Yesterday morning I was all busy mixing you guys drinks, pouring coffee, serving tea, and humming all along. I glanced out my window and saw the cable guy drive up our driveway. Okay, I knew he was coming sometime between eight and noon, but the cable company said he would call me to let me know he was on the way. He didn’t.

I wasn’t yet dressed to greet visitors but luckily Mr. Pop hadn’t left for work yet. He went outside to speak with Cable Guy to explain our troubles with the reception. Cable Guy apparently didn’t understand what “snowy picture” meant so he said he needed to come inside. While this was happening I was changing clothes like a wild woman at a spring clothing sale. My hair was, well let’s just say it could have looked a lot tamer.

With all my hustling around, Murphy somehow got the notion that we were going somewhere and he went bat-shit crazy and got all excited. He was running all over the house barking, howling, wagging his tale and just all aflutter.

So, in walks Cable Guy and Mr. Pop. Cable Guy walks into our kitchen which, at that time, looked like all kitchens do in the morning, not real good. Anyway Cable Guy looks at the TV and apparently witnesses “snowy reception” for the first time. He asks if the cable outlet was installed after the house was built. We tell him no. So thank god he goes back outside to check the connection from the line to the house.

A couple of minutes later Murphy’s trumped up excitement sends him running to the door because he’s about to have a pee-pee attack. Mr. Pop takes Murphy outside on his leash. Cable Guy comes from around the house and tells Mr. Pop he is going to lay a new cable line and basically rebuild our whole outside cable connection. Mr. Pop brings Murphy back in and relays cable guy’s diagnosis to me. Then Mr. Pop says, “In other words he doesn’t have a fucking clue, so he’s just going to replace everything and if that doesn’t fix the problem he’ll call in another cable guy.”

Our cable goes underground once it leaves our house and then it goes up a power pole where some kind of cable magic happens when it meets another connection site (kind of like the “tubes” found on the “internets”). Problem is, the pole is about three or four feet away on the other side of our privacy fence. I look out the back and see Cable Guy about to prop a tall ladder against our privacy fence to work on the pole connection. Any breathing soul could see that wasn’t going to work. There was no way. I called to Cable Guy and said, “You aren’t going to lean the ladder against the fence are you?” He answered, “No”. So I watched as he sized up the situation for several minutes and finally determined either that he was dumb as dog shit or logistics just weren’t on his side.

He took his ladder back to his truck, loaded it up and drove his truck around the block, parked on the street behind us and proceeded to prop his handy ladder against the pole the way most sane people would. Time goes by and Cable Guy is on the ladder. More time goes by and he’s still there.

I look outside just in time to see another cable guy drive up. Cable Guy 2 gets out of his truck and goes to talk with the Cable Guy 1 who is still on the ladder. Cable Guy 2 goes back to his truck, gets something, does something and presto chango, the cable is fixed.

Mr. Pop was exactly right, Cable Guy 1 hadn’t a “fucking” clue about cable repair, but he did manage to cause total chaos on our domestic front.


Blogger spadoman said...


August 10, 2006 3:46 AM  
Blogger Blueberry said...

I found out earlier this year (when we got a new TV) exactly how clueless not only the installers are, but the people working the phones at the cable company. Mr. B had to use his cell minutes explaining to the person working at the cable company the difference between "hi-def" and "digital". They never did get it. Also during the installation, cable guy #2 was nearly as clueless as the guy who called him in. The cable company itself (Time-Warner) isn't even tuned in to the installer bungles because they use a subcontractor company for that.

August 10, 2006 4:28 AM  
Blogger Peacechick Mary said...

I was talking with a cable guy who said as fast as they get someone new, train him/her, they move on to private contractors for higher pay. Seems like there might be a solution there for the cable companies (pay more), but I don't think they'll figure it out.

August 10, 2006 4:37 AM  
Blogger The Beltway B@stard said...

Had a perv cable guy at my home once. Speaking completely inappropriate and stealing glances where he shouldn't. He was...let's say...moist - molester look about him. So I decided to pull out my metal wrist warmers and play with them, which needless to say expedited his vist ;)

August 10, 2006 5:05 AM  
Blogger PTCruiser said...

I've been a mechanic for over 20 years and I can tell you we have the same thing in our profession. We call them parts-changers. They just keep replacing parts til they either fix the problem or are forced to give up and let an actual mechanic step in and bail them out.

Then we have the parts-changers who are on a completely different level of incompetence like your Cable Guy #1. We call them stare-masters. They'll just open the hood of a vehicle and stare into the engine compartment like they're hoping for an answer to come to them. Hilarious.

August 10, 2006 5:20 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

I like when my first blog of the day makes me laugh. Thanks Pop.
And stare-masters. Ha! Love that PT.

August 10, 2006 5:24 AM  
Blogger Jamie said...

Oh that is hilarious. See, all humor really is built on the misery of someone else. :-)

Happy day after your anniversary.

August 10, 2006 6:27 AM  
Blogger Time said...

AH, what a country.

Of course cable gut 1 can go home and feel satisfied and proud that he did a good days work.

August 10, 2006 6:29 AM  
Blogger SB Gypsy said...

Stare Masters and Parts changers.. Heh heh must share that with Hubby - who fixes industrial lasers. I think he can relate!

Cable companies - hell any big company now adays has no clue. It's because they threw out excellence in favor of cheap labor, and think they are saving money.


August 10, 2006 7:00 AM  
Blogger DivaJood said...

Oh, my god, POP, that's hilarious. Poor Murphy, though. Dogs should be able to make comments during sessions with idiot repair guys.

August 10, 2006 7:07 AM  
Blogger An Angry Old Broad said...

This sounds rather similar to my experience earlier this week with getting Bellsouth to send someone out to fix our DSL,which died.Except my experience involved cats fighting,a kid bouncing off the walls,and endless phone calls that ended with me being put on hold for days before I got to talk to an actual human being.Frankly I was about to drag the garden hose into the house and hose down the lot of'em,including Mr Bellsouth Repair Dude.The only thing that stopped me was realizing I'd be the one to have to clean up the mess.

August 10, 2006 7:28 AM  
Blogger Donnie McDaniel said...

LMAO!! I know what you mean POP. I once had to call the cable company to explain that the modem was down, and I could not connect to the net. This moron that took the call then commenced to hitting keystrokes on his puter. After a few moments, he told be he would email me a link and to follow the directions. At this point, I had to ask "Excuse me, but which part of what I said confused you? The modem is out, or that I cannot not connect to the net?"

Another time, not long after they went digital, the cable box went out. Upon calling in and explaining the problem, the idiot on the other end told me to call my local cable company because she was in a diff. state and they did not have digital there. Funny Part? I did call the local company, it was forwarded to another state because the company was bought out by the idiots where the call was forwarded to.

BTW, what made your post even more funny, was that when I first started to read it, Ricky Martin's "Living La Vida Loca" started playing on the stereo!! HAHA.

August 10, 2006 8:14 AM  
Blogger JM said...

Hey, at least your cable guy bothers to show up. I've lost track of the times I've called and scheduled service, only to have them not call or show.

August 10, 2006 8:43 AM  
Blogger Kvatch said...

I cancelled the cable.

Frankly there isn't anything on cable that I can't get on Netflix (just gotta wait six months). Oddly...we're still getting the cable signal. Called Comcast three times told 'em it was still on, and they said, "Oh...OK. We'll send someone out right away. We'll need to talk to the building manager." To which we respond, "What building manager?" This flusters them so badly that they always just promise to get back to us, but in the meantime we aren't being charged.

OK by us.

August 10, 2006 9:29 AM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...


August 10, 2006 11:07 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

LMFAO!!! Sweet Jesus in a thong..this made my day..seriously can I buy you a drink? Perhaps a bottle of your favorite hooch?

You rock Pop :)

August 10, 2006 11:08 AM  
Blogger Jeremy said...

We had a cable guy come to our place last weekend. He had plumbers crack. We took a picture from the other room.

August 10, 2006 12:20 PM  
Blogger DoctorBoogaloo said...

Jeremy: the plumber's crack is aptly named. Several months ago we needed a plumber. He came. He kneeled. He revealed. My son told me to come and see it. I haven't eaten toast since. (My son thought it looked like a place to park his bike.)

August 10, 2006 12:39 PM  
Blogger poopie said...

I missed the free drinks! How about a nice cold beer??

August 10, 2006 1:02 PM  
Blogger LadyCelticFire said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA I had TWO Satellite installers try to tell me there was NO way I could hook up the satellite recievers, 2 vcrs, a DVD, Nintendo 64, Sega and my surround sound. He's all, "it just can't be done ma'am." I said thats awful funny sir, I had it hooked up that way when I installed the satellite. So when he left it took me about five minutes to get everything up and running... It just makesyou wonder HOW some people get the jobs they do LOL


August 10, 2006 2:01 PM  
Blogger LadyCelticFire said...

HAHA PT I think my dad falls into the Parts changer category... It's a BIT sad when I know more about a car than he does and I can't even call the parts by their REAL name HAHA

Kvatch, watch out for Comcast... I moved and had it switched to the new city. Turned in my old box, got a 100 dollar refund check etc. Had cable at the new place for 8 months then one day whamo, no cable... So I go down to find out WTF. They said, Oh you owe 76.00 in the other city. I said well thats kinda funny since they gave ME a refund check. They punched some buttons (them and their DAMN buttons) and I got my cable back. Just recently my mom kept getting bills from Comcast saying she owed. She got them for three months straight... Only problem is, she hadn't lived at the apartment they were charging for almost a YEAR!!!! They refunded her :D

And hell free beer, free drinks... Wheres the party???

August 10, 2006 2:09 PM  
Blogger PaxRomano said...

Once I had a couple of cable guys rewire my entire set up. Cable went everywhere, over doors, under carpets. I sat silent as these two went at it.

When it was all done, they stood dumbfounded as the hook up was not working.

So I sez, "Fellas, the cable comes in here behind the tv ..." My two little geniuses were working from the belief that the main line came in from the back room...

It took them another hour to "de-wire" my place, and about six minutes to re hook my cable from the original starting point.

August 10, 2006 4:05 PM  
Blogger troutsky said...

I rented my house when I relocated for a few years, to a cable maniac who drilled holes in all my floors and ran cables into every room, stapled onto the outside of my house, ends of cable dangling through ceilings, a maze of cables running through the basement...I have no idea?

August 10, 2006 5:18 PM  
Blogger JBlue said...

So, maybe Cable Guy #2 also knows a thing or 2 about satellite dish networks because the basement connection here hasn't worked since the big storm back in July? But, hey, we have it upstairs (after waiting for almost 3 weeks!).

August 10, 2006 10:16 PM  
Blogger The Fat Lady Sings said...

And honey - that's why I have satellite. Very funny stuff! You know - we have the same lot of useless idiots here. You call someone and if they show up at all - they invariably come without whatever it was they needed to fix whatever it was that was broken. Or they break whatever it was wasn’t broken then say they have to come back next week with different parts. Lord love a duck! Will someone tell me why is it all repairs people seem cut from the same cloth? One with flaws? *sigh*

August 10, 2006 11:10 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

I'm still trying to get the image of "plummer's crack" out of my head...ewww!

August 11, 2006 12:39 AM  
Blogger Merci said...

Yep, the cable company and the phone company. Love doing business with both.

August 11, 2006 1:21 AM  
Blogger spadoman said...

So, what did you watch last night?

August 11, 2006 3:55 AM  
Anonymous jihadpunk said...

Brilliant post. Ta f't visit n all. Like this blog a lot.

August 11, 2006 4:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So let me get this straight...the cable guy comes during the time frame you were expecting him, gives you a brand new line for your house, fixes your cable, and you whine about it...what a fucking ungrateful bitch you are

October 10, 2006 6:20 PM  
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