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After reading all your comments regarding my Monday post, I was crying and smiling at the same time. Kind of like an emotional tornado or something.
All the time I was growing up I would have gotten a serious spanking if I had told anyone about my father and his drunken episodes. It was something my mother said we must not talk about with anyone. She said she was “ashamed” of the way we lived and she didn’t want anyone to know. I translated that to mean that we were living shamefully, and I must be shameful too.
Of course after my father died I was an adult and I did begin to talk about it a little. That’s when I found out something I had never known. I wasn’t the only kid who grew up in those conditions. My life wasn’t shameful and neither was I.
Your comments reminded me that there are lots of people out there who have experienced the same or similar childhoods. If I had known way back during childhood that mine was no freak life but simply another life dealing with alcoholism, it sure would have been good information, and it absolutely would have made a difference.
A couple of recovering alcoholics also were kind enough to comment as well. I so deeply admire them for what they are doing for themselves and everyone who loves them. I wish my father could have been that dedicated and faced the harsh reality of what he was doing to himself and his family. He never did.
So thank each of you for your comments and your understanding. You reminded me that I have done nothing for which I should be ashamed. You also reminded me that I have some wonderful understanding friends, thanks to these crazy tubes and wires we call the internets.
I’ve decided what to do with almost all the money. I am going to pay off the mortgage on our home. When I was little, we were evicted from a lot of rental houses because we were so far behind on the rent. I want to have the last say in this journey. So as an adult, Mr. Pop, Murphy, and Fred the Cat will henceforth live in a home that is paid for, free and clear. For me, that is indeed something fun!
All the time I was growing up I would have gotten a serious spanking if I had told anyone about my father and his drunken episodes. It was something my mother said we must not talk about with anyone. She said she was “ashamed” of the way we lived and she didn’t want anyone to know. I translated that to mean that we were living shamefully, and I must be shameful too.
Of course after my father died I was an adult and I did begin to talk about it a little. That’s when I found out something I had never known. I wasn’t the only kid who grew up in those conditions. My life wasn’t shameful and neither was I.
Your comments reminded me that there are lots of people out there who have experienced the same or similar childhoods. If I had known way back during childhood that mine was no freak life but simply another life dealing with alcoholism, it sure would have been good information, and it absolutely would have made a difference.
A couple of recovering alcoholics also were kind enough to comment as well. I so deeply admire them for what they are doing for themselves and everyone who loves them. I wish my father could have been that dedicated and faced the harsh reality of what he was doing to himself and his family. He never did.
So thank each of you for your comments and your understanding. You reminded me that I have done nothing for which I should be ashamed. You also reminded me that I have some wonderful understanding friends, thanks to these crazy tubes and wires we call the internets.
I’ve decided what to do with almost all the money. I am going to pay off the mortgage on our home. When I was little, we were evicted from a lot of rental houses because we were so far behind on the rent. I want to have the last say in this journey. So as an adult, Mr. Pop, Murphy, and Fred the Cat will henceforth live in a home that is paid for, free and clear. For me, that is indeed something fun!
posted by pissed off patricia at 1:26 AM
54 Comments:
Pop: This was an interesting revelation. Our family was full of drinkers and my Dad was terribly mean to my Mom and me, but left my little sister alone. Today, he's not the same person, but will not talk about or admit the past. I've brought it up and have made it past. Some people never face it, to their detriment.
I don't drink or smoke because of all I saw and hopefully have left my son in better condition as I made a point of being for him, what my Dad wasn't for me.
Cheers to you and your house pay-off! ; )
verification:twcat
PoP, I am so proud of you, I could just burst! You have done a lot of healing for yourself and for others through the internet. Paying off your mortgage is brilliant and I feel somehow that there is a balance of justice in the world today.
Great idea Pop and a good symbolic way of putting all of your past pain to bed once and for all. While your childhood was painful and you may wish to forget it don't fail to acknowledge that in many ways it made you who are today and that is something to cherish in its own way. When you look back over the road you have traveled don't focus on the potholes but on the journey to where you are today.
I think that's the perfect way to spend that money. Give yourself the stability and security you never had as a child. You'll never again have to pack up and leave, unless you decide to move.
All I can think of to say is a repeat of my comment the other day...you are truly an inspiration.
It is a hard lesson for many of us to learn, that such secrets can be so destructive.
PoP that is HUGE! You have created your own happy ending. Congratulations.
That's more than something- it's turning a sow's ear to a silk purse. It means you can say (and think)that depsite the ways in which they fell woefully short, they have-in a curious way- helped to provide you with a home. Even better than a house! Where you and Mr. Pop, Murphy and Fred can live in peace.
Good for you, and a great closure to some sad and troubling times.
Paying off your mortgage is like a perfect poem. The last line, a zero balance. Debt of sadness and shame paid in full. The peace of final gestures.
Hi PoP, I haven't been commenting lately but always stop by to read your latest. Your recollections remind me of some painful memories of my childhood. Sometimes the best lessons you get from your parents is what not to do.
post pictures of the mortgage contract in flames! please. after a childhood in various "squats" interrupted by going on tour with da (who when he was on his game could charm the scales off a dragon) when i realized that the place i was living in was mine. all mine. the sense of security and permanence was indescribable. we all react individually to our challenges. i'm glad you're coming through yours so beautifully. (even though, if you're anything like me, you don't see it as beautiful, it feels like slogging through the mire, ducking the flung poo, and knowing the whole time that this is happening because you deserve nothing better. just trust us observers. you're deserving of every good thing)
That is wonderful :-) 1st time sopping by, I will be back!
I'm a sucker for a happy ending. Good for you, PoP!
Oh, and the cat told me that as soon as the house is paid off, he wants to go outside.
Pop
I haven't looked in for awhile now, had to scroll down for the reason for this post. A tough story, told really well.
As I've said at A.A., "No one ever goes to career day and picks : "miserable drunk" from the list of choices in life."
I drank-up a lot of friends and love ones in my career, sorry your dad did the same to you.
I am sorry you ever felt that way. You should never have. I want to be a good friend and say the right things I hope that what I said helped at least a litle bit. I truley am sorry that you ever felt that way.
I can't think of a better way to spend the money. Thank you for sharing and everyone else, its easy to think you are alone in a situation like that.
Way to go PoP! You certainly are not alone. When I was growing up, my best friend was the maple tree in the back yard. I could climb it. My father couldn't. I spent the night in that tree escaping his drunken rages, and I seriously question whether I would have survived my childhood had it not been there. I held it inside and blamed myself for most of my life. I did not set myself free until my late forties. You should be very proud.
Paying off the mortgage, way to go! That's going to be like extra income every month. It's win-win.
What a wonderful decision, PoP.
I'm so happy for you finding a means to a peaceful end to a bad story in your life.
Ah an Excellent Idea and use for that Bad-Blood Money and Three Cheers for
a home that is paid for, free and clear for POP, Mr. Pop, Murphy, and Fred the Cat !!!
:-0
Oh yeah! It doesn't get much better than a paid off house!
Congrats!
Big hugs to you!
I went back and read your Monday post just so I'd understand the context.
I am chagrined to say that my childhood could not have been more ordinary, stable, plentiful, if somewhat lacking in warmth, and it pains me to hear about the trials you went through.
On the other hand, your story concludes with one bright facet that I can definitely relate to, the small (large...maybe) joy one can take in paying off one's home. Though I won't pay off this monstrously expensive flat I call home for many years, I take joy in paying my mortgage every single month. I know it's weird, but it fills me with a sense of stability--it's worth a lot--and I know, you know, what I mean.
The brutal candor of your daddy's government check post and the settling of his estate are what make you a blog leader. You should be proud!
I went back and read Monday's post as well. Wow! What a story. I wish you the best!
My comment got lost in translation with one of my computer black outs. It hasn't shut down during blogging for a day now. Like Graeme I wished you well.
just don't use the internet to run off with some guy next!
What is even more interesting is that we have a core of apologists in this country that basically do what children like you and I did to get by-they've gone into deep denial that there is a problem in our household.
They act almost as if they are genuinely afraid to acknowledge the terrible truth about their beloved monkey Messiah. You and I, of course, were afraid of the consequences at home if people "found us out." But NOT acknowledging the truth about what is going on in America is going to have terrible consequences for all of us.
Since Chimpy can't possibly beat on all of his deluded supporters, why is it they all act like battered wives?
Live in peace my friend, live in peace!
Hi Patty. I've been absent from the 'net so I had to go and read the post too.
I'm so glad you have found a way through all of that crap and I think it's a great way to say goodbye to all of that.
If anybody else is struggling with like issues a great read is -
Adult Children of Alcholics by Dr. Janet G. Woititz. Her very helpful site is
http://www.drjan.com/
It helped me start on a healing path years ago.
Peace.
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