Monday, June 26, 2006

An Encounter with Officer Big Car with Lots of Flashing Lights

Mr. and Ms. Pop, after a leisurely sleep until long after sunrise, don their spiffy casual vacation clothes and head out in their all American minivan for breakfast. This is one of Ms. Pop’s favorite rituals of any vacation, she loves going out for breakfast.

Mr. Pop is driving the speed limit for just about all of Sanibel Island, 30 mph. They approach a four way stop. Three of the streets that intersect this stop are roadways and one is a public walking entrance to the beach. The three streets are visually clear but the entrance to the beach is somewhat hidden by bushes along the edge of the road. Mr. Pop eases past the stop sign in order to see around the bushes in case someone might be about to cross the street. Dum-da-dum-dum, there behind the bushes sits a POLICE CAR.

Mr. Pop, after his stop, proceeds to make his turn left. That’s when it began. The officer in the police car turns on all the flashing lights on his great big police car and pulls up behind the now cursing Mr. Pop. Mr. Pop pulls over on the shoulder of the road and brings the minivan to a stop along with a blue streak of curse words. The officer emerges from his great big police car with lots of flashing lights and cautiously approaches Mr. Pop’s side of the now nervous little minivan. Officer big car with lots of flashing lights asks Mr. Pop for his license and registration. Then he informs Mr. Pop that he rolled five feet beyond the stop sign. Officer big car with lots of flashing lights asks Mr. Pop if he has a “good reason” for committing this crime. Mr. Pop says he does not. (Mr. Pop is no dummy and knows that arguing with a policeman is not a Mensa sort of thing to do.) Mr. Pop has to unfasten his seat belt to retrieve his wallet from the his pocket. His drivers license resides in his wallet.

Then Officer big car with lots of flashing lights goes back to his car to “run a check” on Mr. Pop’s license. While he does this Mr. and Ms Pop scramble around in the glove compartment searching for the registration. Weee! They find it.

The Officer returns and again gingerly approaches Mr. Pop’s outstretched hand which holds the treasured registration. Officer big car with lots of flashing lights examines the little piece of paper and then asks Mr. Pop when was the last time he received a driving citation. (This is when Mr. Pop is tempted to ask, isn’t that the reason the officer just “ran” his drivers license? Must be a test. But again, he’s no dummy) Mr. Pop tells Officer big car with lots of flashing lights he believes it was back in his 20’s. The officer nods, so we assume Mr. Pop has passed this test. Then Officer big car with lots of flashing lights decided to pull a pop quiz on Mr. Pop. He ask, “Is there a good reason that you aren’t wearing your seat belt right now?” The officer is looking like this might make or break Mr. Pop’s pending prison term. Mr. Pop, who wears his seat belt to back the car out of the garage to wash it, explains that he took off his seat belt in order to retrieve his wallet and remove his driver’s license at the officer’s request. (Mr. Pop wants to also add that he isn’t driving at the moment and the car is stopped. He is tempted to return the question and ask the officer why he isn’t wearing his seat belt right now, but he doesn’t. Mr. Pop has always been securely lashed onto the turnip truck)

Now the very serious, Officer big car with lots of flashing lights, tells Mr. Pop that committing the crime of not stopping at the exact spot of the stop sign is the way that people get “runned over”. (Mr. Pop wants to tell the officer that people get “runned over” by walking into traffic, but thinks better of that statement.)

Officer big car with lots of flashing lights, tells Mr. Pop if he gives him a ticket it will amount to $170.00 and four points on his license. Silence ensues. Mr. Pop says nothing. Ms Pop for some reason is about to explode in laughter due to the officer’s way too GD serious attitude.

Officer big car with lots of flashing lights, finds it in his instructive authoritative heart to allow this, still wet behind the ears, criminal to proceed without penalty. Mr. Pop politely thanks the officer for his understanding. Mr. Pop is being allowed to escape and free to go on his wicked criminally inclined way. He’s no longer a threat to society.

The officer returns to his big car with lots of lights that are still flashing and the Pops buckle up and drive carefully on their way. As soon as the big car with lots of flashing lights is no longer visible in the rearview mirror, the little Pop minivan erupts in relieved laughter. They had escaped being sent to prison, Gitmo and the dark secret foreign prisons. They had learned how people get “runned over” too. Thanks to the wisdom of Officer big car with lots of flashing lights the Pops were on the road to safety and had enough ammo to laugh for days to come.


Blogger Granny said...

Funny story. I actually did run one today - first time in more than 40 years.

I was just distracted for a few seconds. Fortunately it was a 4 way and not a poiceman in sight.

The rest of the way home, the girls were telling me as each stop sign came into view.

I may never live it down.

June 26, 2006 1:28 AM  
Blogger Peacechick Mary said...

Hmmm. Makes me wonder if big cop with flashing lights didn't want a little cash pressed in his little hands. Funny story. If you did land in the slammer, we would have brought you a cake - heeh.

June 26, 2006 2:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh PoP....I couldn't wait to turn on my computer this morning in hopes that you'd tell the officer Obie tale....what a treat!
I meant it when I said I missed your humor (little of it on CL nowadays)....thanks...ROTFLMAO!

June 26, 2006 4:15 AM  
Blogger Durward Discussion said...

Good Morning Pop,

Thanks for the morning pick me up and stroking of the funny bone. You have been sooooo missed.

June 26, 2006 4:27 AM  
Blogger PTCruiser said...

Wow! Sounds like your trip was just as educational as it was fun. Welcome back, criminal accomplice.

June 26, 2006 4:58 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

I don't believe I could have behaved so well in the same situation. Bravo to Mr. Pop. Very funny.

June 26, 2006 4:58 AM  
Blogger Shutterwi said...

Then Officer big car with lots of flashing lights goes back to his car to “run a check” on Mr. Pop’s license by running it through the NSA data bank.

I wouldn't laugh to hard This isn't over until they say it's over.

My guess is they are putting together a special forces team to make the arrest.

Gitmo might still be in your future.

After all we have the midterm elections coming up. They need reasons to keep the public fightened.

To seat belted, laughing passengers in a minvan sure has me nervous.

Great story PoP. I hope the rest of your vacation was less stressful.

June 26, 2006 5:04 AM  
Blogger Sothis said...

Wow. Officer Obie has that cop beat by at least 20 IQ points.

June 26, 2006 5:17 AM  
Blogger eProf2 said...

Great way to start off Monday with a LOL from your story. I'm really impressed with Mr. PoP and his patience not to tell "Officer big car with lots of flashing lights" to go back to officer training school to see what "mitigating circumstances" really means. BTW, how was breakfast between bursts of laughter?

June 26, 2006 9:00 AM  
Blogger BrotherCurmudgeon said...

Actually, the PO-lease was out there profiling for vacationeers on whom he could practice his PO-lease work. It wasn't close enough to the end of the month for him to assure that his quota was met.

This is a warning! Consider youselves fortunate.

Welcome back. I shall give the cake that I baked to the poor children next door, after I remove the hacksaw blade.

June 26, 2006 9:03 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

What, no 8 x 10 glossies for officer big car with lots of flashing lights to show the blind judge with the seeing eye dog.

Officer big car needs more training, at least officer Obie had photo evidence.

June 26, 2006 9:25 AM  
Blogger glasshill said...

Actually people can get runned into by silly old men with farm fresh eggs that then get splattered all over the inside of their cars....

Did the same thing, couldn't see on coming traffic because of a very large bush (no relation) stopped, then came forward far enough to see traffic. stopped again. crazy old man (who if he had done nothing would have continued on his way home with his nice eggs) decides to swirve into me (did I mention my 80year grandmother sitting beside me?).

I got charged for being past the stop sign line.

My grandmother was 'ever so helpful with the police officer'

ah the memories...

I still smile at the eggs in his car.

ps was wearing my seat belt.

June 26, 2006 10:57 AM  
Blogger glenda said...

Just be glad you weren't in Texas at the time. That's a lethal injection violation down here.

June 26, 2006 1:50 PM  
Blogger Reflections said...

I was a cop for a while, and this cracked me up. Gotta love it!

June 26, 2006 3:28 PM  
Blogger enigma4ever said...

very funny....too funny....thanks for sharing this...( phew -glad this world is safer from you too run'em'over crimmynails....)

June 26, 2006 3:34 PM  
Blogger Trial.Lawyer.Richard said...

POP: Mrs. TLR and I were pulled over by another Officer with Lights Flashing on Okeechobee Boulevard in West Palm Beach. I, the guilty driver, was asked: "Do you know how fast you were going?" I told him I was going the speed limit. He said: "The speed limit has changed AND THE NEW SIGN WILL BE PUT UP TOMORROW!" He then was about to tell me I could go on my way until....he saw my Florida Bar Card when I was giving him my license... KABOOM! He said he "hated lawyers" and gave me a speeding ticket on the spot.

At that moment, I knew why I should have chosen Marine Biology as my career.

The Judge threw out the ticket and told me the Officer had "behavioral issues" to deal with.


June 26, 2006 5:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it is a shame that you he didn't arrest you right on the spot for this treasonous blog.....

what a dick

June 26, 2006 6:35 PM  
Blogger Zee said...

Ah, all the fine comments here made me laugh as well after the initial treat of the post.
But I'm also mad!!!!
My snobbish European past breaks out like German measles....
Why can't the dumb street designers or architects in the US not design stop signs and markings that actually work safely for traffic and all. Every bloody stop sign in my county is designed the way that if you stop at the designated spot, upcoming cars are totally invisible. So for the sake of your own life and others you'll have to break the law and creep forward into the intersection in order to have a visual. It really is backwards, literally, and most often by several feet!
And the seat belt part of the story ... deja vue! Had a officer with a big car and tons of flashing lights pull off the same trick.
I got so pissed that I only nodded then but went to court afterwards instead. Officer with the big car and flashing lights never appeared.
Case dismissed.

June 26, 2006 8:49 PM  
Blogger sumo said...

You and Mr. POP are rebels I see. The poor cop with flashing lights must have had his eye on your from the moment you entered his town. Very funny stuff!

June 27, 2006 2:24 AM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Thanks for the laugh. The way you tell a story is so entertaining.

June 27, 2006 9:18 AM  
Blogger Spadoman said...

This is too funny, but I have a couple of reasons why your vehicle was under scrutiny.

First of all, the Cop obviously reads your blog and knows you're on the OTHER side of his right-leaning fence.

Secondly, I've always been very wary of the minivan and what they stand for in America. I was right, it's all a ruse to get us to pay attention elsewhere. :)

June 28, 2006 4:34 AM  
Blogger Alan said...

Forgive me, but this seems like the perfect thread to share this brief story.

For 15 years I managed a high cash flow business. We hired off duty policemen as security complete with their big cars with lots of flashy lights. Each night the cop in the big car with flashy lights would follow me to the bank to make drops of money. We passed one red light on the way to the bank. If I were ever stopped at the red light, I would wait for any cross traffic to pass (it was a low traffic residential street), and then gun my car right through the red light, leaving a bit of rubber if possible.

Of course, the cop on my payroll was right behind me in said big car with flashy lights. He would just have to sit there until the light changed. I can only imagine what other motorist at the light must have thought. All the officers could do was to shake their heads when they caught up to me at the bank and beg me to quit doing that. I never quit doing it.

July 06, 2006 3:22 PM  

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